Free AdviceGet Free Advice
Home | Get advice | Give advice | Topics | Columnists | - !START HERE! -
Make Suggestions | Sitemap

Get Advice


Search Questions

Ask A Question

Browse Advice Columnists

Search Advice Columnists

Chat Room

Give Advice

View Questions
Search Questions
Advice Topics

Login

Username:
Password:
Remember me
Register for free!
Lost Password?

Want to give Advice?

Sign Up Now
(It's FREE!)

Miscellaneous

Shirts and Stuff
Page Backgrounds
Make Suggestions
Site News
Link To Us
About Us
Terms of Service
Help/FAQ
Sitemap
Contact Us


my boyfriends parents mentally abuse him. how do I help? what do I do?


Question Posted Wednesday August 28 2019, 9:16 pm

my boyfriends parents mentally abuse him. how do I help? what do I do?
he says he is alone, that he just wants to give up.


[ Answer this question ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Love Life?


Dragonflymagic answered Friday August 30 2019, 3:57 pm:
Is he a minor? Is he an adult living at home still?

Mental abuse is as serious as physical abuse, the only difference is with one theres scars and bruises on the outside but in his case the damages are on the inside where they can't be seen, only the results, of not caring about anything so maybe depression, stress for sure, looking worn down and tired all the time, looking like the life has been sucked out of you, etc. I know how it looks because my first husband was verbally and mentally abusive. As an adult I had a choice to stay or leave. There is no changing adults who have been abusive for years and set in their ways. They need to be able to see they have a problem and be willing to do something about it, get help to become a better human. I'd say about 99 out of a hundred never change for the better. So if he's an adult, then it needs to be suggested that he talk to others about his issue of needing to find another place to live. If he is still under 18, another adult needs to determine if it sounds like true mental abuse. Unless you have witnessed their words, what a teen may beleive is abuse, may not be. So I feel you can only suggest he go to talk to a school counselor if he's a minor. Because they have affected him mentally already, he won't be able to see things as clearly as you can and realize this may start the help he needs. Actually, his parents need the help and the only way for things to happen so they are forced to get help is for other adults to become involved. So it starts with the school counselor. No need to be embarrassed as they have heard this and much worse before. So keep reminding him that he needs to tell a school counselor. If you have been a witness to this, you can volunteer to go with him for moral support and share what you know. If he digs in his heels and won't do it, but since it is bothering you, then you go talk to a school counselor and ask them if there is anything that can be done for him as it sounds like he is talking of giving up and that may be a hint of considering suicide.

School counselors may call in a specialty therapist if there is a budget for that or turn the matter over to a child protection service. I am familiar with that too as it happened in my family, an adult child remarried who both her and husband were physically abusing my granddaughter who is now living with her birth dad. They have another between them and both were originally put in temp foster care while they got psych. evaluations and ordered to take parenting classes and keep passing subsequent psch evaluations and have un announced drop by visits by a social worker. The system these days isn't about taking kids away from parents, even parents with mental illness, as long as they take meds and have things under control. They want to give parents the help they need to get on the right track and be able to raise their own kids. So I don't think he has anything to worry about, like ending up in foster care because the parents have to be dead or disappeared for that to happen and this is not an extreme case from what you have shared. Yes, it is serious and verbal abuse creates a stress that affects either your mental health or physical health. Your boyfriend will likely need to attend meetings to recover mentally and come back to full health. Other than encouraging him, there is nothing else you can do. I had family encourage me to leave my husband early on, before we had kids because they witnessed how he treated me and he treated them like crap too but I didn't listen. I was an adult so no one could force me. I stayed because I was believing I could not break wedding vows. However years later I believe I heard God tell me it was okay to leave and He had broken his vows from the start and had continually done so, so I was released from those vcws. I know how it hurts to watch a loved one not acknowledge help. My Mom died before I divorced my ex. But I suspect she is watching from heaven. Now I feel it as my Mom did, having a daughter who married someone much like my ex and she is not ready to acknowledge it. But I have seen the effects and pray for her, which really is the one and only thing we can do, praying specifically that they would become disillusioned to the point they want to do something about it, that instead of feeling alone, afraid to speak up, afraid of retaliation from the offenders, to having God give them a will to fight for the right to be treated kindly lovingly and with respect.

[ Dragonflymagic's advice column | Ask Dragonflymagic A Question
]


More Questions:

<<< Previous Question: It is about me and my ex. Should I move on or should I try to get him back?
Next Question >>> URGENT URGENT QUESTION, THANKS

Recent popular questions:
Want to give advice?

Click here to start your own advice column!

What happened here with my gamer friends?

All content on this page posted by members of advicenators.com is the responsibility those individual members. Other content © 2003-2014 advicenators.com. We do not promise accuracy, completeness, or usefulness of any advice and are not responsible for content.

Attention: NOTHING on this site may be reproduced in any fashion whatsoever without explicit consent (in writing) of the owner of said material, unless otherwise stated on the page where the content originated. Search engines are free to index and cache our content.
Users who post their account names or personal information in their questions have no expectation of privacy beyond that point for anything they disclose. Questions are otherwise considered anonymous to the general public.

[Valid RSS] eXTReMe Tracker