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Should I look for another Therapist?
I am 50 years of age and I have been seeing a Mental Health Therapist for 8 months now. My Therapist is only 31 years of age. They have been an excellent Therapist until recently. One day about a month ago I went in to see them and I could tell that they were upset about something. I asked them how they were doing and they burst into tears. It turns out that they have cancer. They apologized for burdening me with this and not being professional. Last week I went in for my session and I could tell that they were having a bad day. They also had to reschedule my next appointment so I asked how they are doing. Turns out they had surgery and it was not as successful as they hoped. They have to start chemotherapy. It does not bother me knowing that they have cancer because they are human. What bothers me is that the nature and mission of the clinic that I go to is whole body health. They teach their patients that they must not only get mental health therapy but must also take care of physical, financial and all things must be in good order in order to be totally healthy. I feel that my Therapist is being a hypocrite because he is not living a healthy lifestyle as the clinic teaches. My Therapist is supportive of my mental and physical health goals. He supports me eating a healthy diet and exercising but he admits that he does not eat healthy or do anything to take care of physical well being. On the one hand I feel empathy because I know how it feels to be chronically ill but on the other I am losing respect for him. Why is he working at this clinic if he does not practice what he teaches and do what the clinic stands for? He should be walking his talk. I am torn on what to do because on one hand I cannot respect my Therapist any longer since he is not living what he is teaching clients and on the other I feel I am expecting too much and need to quit judging him. Do I need to learn to be more compassionate and patient or do I need a new Therapist?
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My mother had cancer and at one point, she could no longer work due to the reactions to chemotherapy and as it progressed she grew weaker. IT is possible that your therapist will at some point no longer be able to work unless the treatment cures them.
From what you say, it's not a matter of age or knowledge. they have a degree to do what they do. However, I am some what familiar with the concept of whole health practitioners as I am into natural health. So I would think a clinic into whole health is more likely to incorporate the belief of seeking out any and all alternative medicines or practices to achieve better health and yes, even in cancer.
You might ask the clinic the whole panel of what they recommend trying for cancer, any kind of cancer and see if chemo is one of them. Some people still recommend chemo but use alternative methocs to deal with the side effects at the same time. All in all, I don't think we can pin point cancer as meaning a person doesn't believe in what they preach if they work at this center. So it has to be something other than the cancer you brought up. The healthy diet and exercising which he has admitted he doesn't follow himself can be enough for a person to want to change doctors. I recently went looking for a new doctor within the network of my insurance. I can't afford paying on my own to use such a center and it's off limits with my insurance, but I was hoping to find at least a medical doctor who believes in holistic health so when I share what I am doing, what has worked and doesn't, that they don't look confused as if I was speaking another language. I found someone close to that, not as great as I'd like. But it got me thinking about your situation. Using religion, I would say that in a church, you find people who have learned what it is to be a believer and how there are choices to be made to live a Godly life. However some have learned and know it can be done, know many people like themselves who change their lives to be more Godlike. However you also have people, who no matter how much they have studied, even those who have attended seminary schools, but no matter their knowledge, they share it with others as the only way to go, yet in their private life, away from church, they do the total opposite. Not talking about swearing some times or losing their temper occasionally, but as the bible talks of being a light for the lost, you don't hide a light under a bushel, under cover so no one can see it. The knowledge does no good is looking at you, people only see the behavior of someone who is not a believer. It no longer matters that someone says they believe. And I have heard people called hypocrites in church, worse if its the pastor or an associate. I know plenty of people who have left their church for this very reason. So I know it is important enough to address for some. If you feel that your Dr. being a hypocrite is enough to cause you mental distress, distrust or more, then it is likely better for you to find someone with whom you feel trust and feel they see things eye to eye with you, understand your want to get better and believe and practice what they teach and preach. HIs age and cancer itself shouldn't be the consideration for changing.
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If you truly think about it, it kinda makes sense that he is not "walking his talk". People can help others with what they might not do themselves. To a limit, of course. You have to understand that he went through years and years of studying this. He wouldn't have a degree on this if he didn't know how. He had a lot more years of college than most people who go to college, so he is very professional. Of course, now that he has been diagnosed with cancer and needing to have chemotherapy he will be slacking a lot, but you can't blame him.
But I think that maybe you should get another therapist though. Yours right now is going through a lot and might need some relief time, also, it would be better for yourself to get the best possible. If you truly care for his health and wel-being, try to stay in touch on how he is doing. It is your choice though on what you should do.
Tell him beforehand if you are thinking of finding a new therapist. Ask to see if you can keep in touch on his health and how he's doing.
I hope for the best for both of you.
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