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Friendship
I recently started hanging out with a new group of friends. I know them all, because we all went to elementary school together. But they are all a lot closer to each other than I am, and i want to be closer to them. My other friends outside my group are acting a little distant and i don't know what to do.
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The more time you spend with the new group, you will begin to feel more like you belong and are closer. Closeness requires times, no way around it.
Now the original group of friends know you are hanging out with a new group so I don't find it odd at all that they seem to be acting distant. Perhaps they aren't and it's only your conscience making you think they are. If they are truly distant, then perhaps they have no idea whats going on, that you intend to keep one foot in each group, the old and the new. If you haven't told them so, they won't know and when people don't know, they can jump to conclusions. Lets say I was a member of your old group. You don't hang out with us much any more and we never know whether to expect seeing you again and we know you are hanging out with a new group. I would begin to think that you got tired of us, maybe found us too boring and now want to hang with new people. You have given us up for new people and aren't interested in us anymore. It hurts me and the others to feel rejected like this so we begin to pretend like you aren't even a friend of ours, to help us get over the loss as we see it, not knowing any better. There's a rumor that you want to keep us still as friends. But we know that if you are spending time in both groups equally, even then we'd only get to see you half the time we used to. So at best, we'd only have you around as a friend Part time and guess what, that still doesn't make us feel any better.
What I wrote is based on how I thought when I was a teen. I am now a grandma, so it was a while back. I don't guess these days, so if I don't understand something, I go the the person involved and ask for details. So I am guessing that none of your old friends have tried to ask you if you plan on coming back to them. At that age, we all tend to live life like everything is either black or white, there is no grey, or to better explain, no combo, like a little of both. WHen young we forget that a person can have many different friend groups and believe we have to make a choice. This is pretty usual for teens. It isn't true but we tend to believe a lot of things regarding friends and relationships that are not true or greatly misunderstood. If you put yourself in the old friends shoes, you would be imagining what they feel like if you were them. YOu'd have questions and need reassurances. They won't be asking for it because it may not occur to ask first. SO as to what to do, approach them and be the first to bring this all up. Answer the questions they are not vocalizing. If you go to meet them, bring like a batch of cookies or some candy to share with all. Maybe write note cards to give one to each person with a personal note of what you like about her, a talent or characteristic you admire and how you value her as a friend. Sweet words and an offering of cookies as a gift are ways to show you love them and care, but some people don't recognize those ways of showing you really care.
Random acts of kindness is another way and lasting, the giving of your presence in quality time spent together. So it will be work to keep all friends happy but don't feel bad. One day you will find you have a group of HS friends, a totally different group of college friends and yet another of friends at work with an odd handful of people you met somehow other than one of those 3 places. And you will stay in touch and give all those groups whatever time you can, maybe not to the extent just one group was given your time unless a day somehow becoms longer than 24 hours.
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