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Why do men in a relationship acts infidelity?


Question Posted Saturday September 8 2018, 7:45 pm

Mid 30’s. He says he loves her and has a kid with her and live together only been for a few years together but still he’s having sex with his recent ex girlfriend who he still in touch behind his actual girlfriend the mother of his child as he wouldn’t dare but he wasn’t happy in a relationship at the time plus she’s no sexual at all he tells so what is this? Do you reckon he still loves his ex girlfriend otherwise he wouldn’t keep on having sex? Do you think this is infidelity? Do all the men cheat when they love their girlfriends? I’m not sure because if you love someone truly deeply you would never ever dare to have sex with another person no matter what. Do explain please!

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Dragonflymagic answered Wednesday September 12 2018, 5:02 pm:
Words are cheap. Its really only the actions behind the words that tell the real story.
Girls too can say they are something they aren't but I will use 'He' since you ask about men.

He can say, I will never ever raise my voice to you.
Then one day he comes home with a splitting headache and stress from work and his woman asks an innocent question like "Do you know where the remote control is, because I've searched and can't find it. He blows up and yells, "How should I know, you used it last. If you kept a neater house, you'd know where it was. And many such incidents follow even though after each he apologizes and says sorry.

Sorry is also another easy to say cheap word that does not mean anything. People say sorry when they are not sorry and have no intention of changing or correcting their behavior.

So if a guy says I love you, he darn well better be showing it to you as well by how he treats you 24/7. He does not get time off to slip up sometimes. If he knows what will upset you, he shouldn't do it. There is no such thing as "I forgot that you wouldn't like it if I lied or cheated on you.

Now as to the word Love. There is a difference between saying I love you and I am in love with you. We love all sorts of things and that love is a very intense like, as in what things we seem to favor above others, such as I love chocolate icecream more than any other flavor. I love steam trains, I love Italian food, I love the color red, etc. So when we say I love you, we are only loving some aspects in a persons, maybe just what they look like, the sex, or parts of their personality but not everything. Its the same with saying I love Italian food because pasta really appeals to you, or steam trains because you are into nostalgia from things of the past for example. This love falls far short of 'being in love'. At the end of my first marriage, a counselor asked my ex if he was in love with me. He began to put me down and list what he didn't like about me. The counselor again asked, are you in love with your wife. Finally he knew he had to answer and he hedged with, well I love her for being the mother of our children. Loving how I mothered our children is the only way he loved me? And when asked again, he finally said, No I have never been in love with her. So when I sat there hearing this, the first thought in my head was, "Well, that certainly explains a lot about how badly he treated me. He would not have done those things if he was in love with me. Women seem geared to accept the word "Love" as meaning the man is in love with her, and then are surprised and shocked when he does the stuff such as you gave in your example. I'd say the guy you mention is not in love with either woman. He may love some aspects of their character, but that is not enough to have him treating one woman like a princess and bending over backwards to please her, feeling worried if she is crying, wanting to know if something he said or did put those tears there, always complimenting her, and as the years go by, he never stops looking at her with passion and desire in his eyes, he loves her voice, the things she says, he loves her exact body shape and is always telling her so, he loves her talents and all aspects of her personality, would rather spend time just being with her because doing mundane chores is more fun with her at his side, is more than pleased with how she treats him in love making . . . This is what being in love is. This is also what I happen to have with my second husband. There are men who do have women they are in love with but this is a much smaller percentage because young males learned from watching how their Dads treated their Moms that loving aspects was all that was needed to catch a girl willing to date, have sex, even marry. So why go the extra effort to find a woman you can be in love with and treat like a princess if you can get away with a very minimum of good behavior?

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