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He lied to me--What should I do?
25/f
I am talking to a guy. Let's call him Andrew.
I met Andrew through mutual friends and I immediately had a crush on him. But I didn't do anything for years until later this year.
I didn't really talk to him until then. When we first met up, I wasn't attracted to him. I was just getting to know him. When we first met up, he kissed me. He told me he thought we had immediate chemistry and he wanted to take me out on a date. I agreed.
The next time we met, we kissed again. He said he wanted to see me again but he was going on an international trip for a month. He said he was going to travel to many places during this time. He asked I would be seeing a lot more of him when he got back.
During the month he was gone, we were speaking everyday. However, the things he was telling me were missing so many puzzle pieces. It was as if I was putting together a beauty and the beast puzzle but was getting pieces from nine other puzzles, and none of the puzzles had all of the pieces.
For example, he was apparently traveling to Europe, Australia, etc. but was still awake while we were awake and was inactive/asleep while we were asleep. If you were international, you would think there would be a time difference.
I also found out geography was not his greatest strength because he somehow had internet the whole time when he flew from Melborne, Australia, to Moscow, Russia. He also was apparently buying his tickets at the last minute. That would be very expensive.
At some point, I started getting suspicious and asked some of my close friends who met him before I did. Once I mentioned his names, my friends immediately got cautious and became overprotective. But it's because none of them knew what he did for a living, none of them really knew anything about him, either. Which became a red flag.
My friend has a friend who went to school with Andrew. He was told he didn't have suits back then, he wasn't going to bars, and he was fairly nerdy. But he didn't know much about him because they didn't hang out.
I ended up doing a background check on him and everyone that kept coming up was a different age. I had to confirm with Andrew's former classmate, that he lied about his age by only three years.
Now that I think about it, I pieced it together. It explained why him and his friend looked at each other weirdly when he said he was 26. He's really 29. I can't wrap my head around why he would lie to me in the first place. It also explains when he told me his sister was 36, I said that was a large age gap, by a decade. And he paused and had to think to himself, realizing that he had lied to be previously.
I have not confronted him, yet. That's because I have not seen him since he's gotten back. We tried meeting up, but we were not successful. He wants me to see him tomorrow, but I'm not sure if that's going to fall through, either.
I don't know why he lied. I don't know if he was saying this to impress me, or if he's trying to impress those who went to high school with him (proving that he's different). I don't know if he's just messing with me. I don't know what he wants from me. All I was told by other people, was to be wary of him.
What are your opinions? What do you think I should do?
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Why bother yourself thinking about if he is lying to you or telling the truth. If you truly love him, you would go through every means to protect your relationship. Remember you don't have any concrete evidence to just say that he is present and didn't travel like he said. I was in the same situation some years back, my girlfriend always tells me she was going away for a business trip, i always believed her because i loved he. Even though i was suspicious that she was cheating, i had no concrete evidence to use against her until a friend of mine introduced me to some hacker guy who helped me o hack into her device, so the next time she came around and told me she was traveling i gave her my usual response so she let.SO WE WERE TEXTING AS USUAL WHEN THE HACKER TOLD ME WHERE SHE WAS. WENT TO THAT EXACT LOCATION WHICH ISN'T TOO FAR FROM HER HOME HERE IN MILWAUKEE ONLY FOR ME TO SEE THAT SHE WAS SHOPPING WITH HER BOSS AND THEY WERE HOLDING HANDS TOGETHER IN THE MALL.You can do the same just to be sure before jumping into conclusions. you can contact the hacker on adouchambers@consultant.com
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There's always a chance he never left and was doing something else, somewhere in the U.S. instead of traveling the world. A person like him doesn't have money to travel unless he won the lottery or has rich parents to spoil him.
Either way, it doesn't matter why he lied, you are seeing his true character and lies is just the first glaring issue. You won't be able to ever trust him fully which is crucial to a good relationship.
I met my 2nd husband on internet dating. Before I met him, I met lots of liars. I specifically said no smokers, as I am allergic to cigarette smoke. This one guy eventually gave me a ride in his car and it smelled so heavy of cigarette smoke eaten into everything. When I asked, he said his son uses his car lots and smokes. Then one day I caught him not thinking and reaching into a pocket to pull out his cigarettes. I ended it and he called to leave lots of mean phone messages cus he was so angry I wouldnt put up with that.
Another guy wrote in his profile he didn't like coffee shops so he would never go to one. Thats where I usually scheduled a first meet up. So when I called him I said that we could meet somewhere other than a coffee shop. He asked why. I said because he wrote he doesn't like them. He said he does like them. SO I asked why his profile says that he doesn't. He got raging angry and started yelling at me saying 'I have a right to change my mind if I want to." I agreed but said He might want to take that part out of his profile then and told him I changed my mind, that I wasn't going to meet him or consider him. I blocked him on this site too. So a week later, he writes again under a different name and different area of residence. So when I open my mail, I see the same guys photo. I immediately blocked that one too. Did he think I was an idiot and wouldn't recognize his photo? I understand your guy is in his 20s or almost out of them. I was doing this after a divorce later in life and the men who wrote to me, were late forties to age 60 and were still doing this crap of lying. My thoughts are they were not doing their lying to impress me. They were hoping that I would fall in love with them and then be willing to put up with all their shenanigans. THis guy could be hoping you will cave and be willing to settle for less. Don't! You can't change a man. He has to be just right, exactly what you want in a man right now, not later because as I discovered, some liars remain liars way into their older years when they've had plenty time to change for the better but chose not to.
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