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Thinking of writing him a love letter.
There's this boy in one of my classes that I sorta fancy. We talk occasionally. We aren't that close, but we aren't just aquatinces either. I've had a crush on him for the past year, and now I'm thinking about confessing. I have social anxiety, and I'm scared I'll panic if I tell him in person, so I thought about writing him a letter. I have so many questions about this, like, should I make it sappy to show him how I feel, or should I keep it at a minimum so I don't make him feel guilty if he doesn't like me back? Should I do it on regular lined paper and just fold it in half, or should I make it a bit more pretty by using stationary? Should I put my name, or the the "Secret Admirer" route? I know I have a lot of questions, but I want this to be perfect! Any advice at all would be amazing!
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Hello dear,
This is actually one of the cutest questions actually =)
As for your question,perhaps as a writer (not famous though haha) the only advice I can give you is that if you're gonna write the love letter is that you go write your heart out regardless of rejection
If you want him to know that you wrote it then go and write your name but if you don't want him to know then you can go and take the Secret Admirer route
With <3,
GrinningCheshire
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Sounds like you have this all figured out in your head. The best way to figure out whether you should do anything that might affect another person is to use your imagination and like a dream, picture the same happening but to you instead.
You do not know how he feels about you in return other than he's okay with you as a school mate friend.
So now, I want you to imagine a scenerio twice. First lets say it's him or another guy just like him who is too shy to tell you in person, so the guy writes you a letter in which he confesses that he's had a crush on you for a year, or just that he has a crush on you. Easy to imagine you'd be happy, right?
Now picture a guy you find dorky and don't even like how he looks. He writes you a love letter confessing that he has had deep feelings for you for a long time. What would you do with that knowledge? You already know you aren't interested in him. So you wouldn't want to encourage him, right? So would you choose to ignore him, go at great lengths to avoid getting near him in hallways? Or would you walk up to him and tell him you aren't interested in him and watch his face as he feels crushed that you don't feel the same. Because he had a crush, he felt that for sure, you must feel the same and all he had to do was let you know so you could respond and tell him you feel the same. Or would you live a lie out of not wanting his feelings hurt and pretend to like him? Did his telling you he has feelings for you when you didn't actually change how you feel about him. Does simply knowing a guy likes you transform your feelings so you actually feel your heart doing happy somer-saults around him and you want to be with him? ANd you want to hold his hand and be kissed by him? If you are doing a good job of picturing this, you will have your answer.
See, guys aren't different as far as this goes. If he heard from you that you like him when he has no such feelings in return, he would probably react in much the same manner as you imagined yourself reacting to the same.
Life isn't fair dear. Just because one person is head over heels in love with someones doesn't mean the focus of their love, loves them in return. I
have had many guys on dating sites plead with me to go out with them and yet, they did not come any where near the criteria I'd listed for myself as to what kind of guy I was looking for when I was divorced and seeking a much better husband. I was learning some of my lessons much later in life.
Using the same imagination of situation in reverse, imagine a love letter signed Secret Admirer. You'd be flattered, excited and always looking to see who's looking at you and wondering if its him, and when and if you finally do find out and its not someone you like in return, did signing the letter 'secret admirer' help him to win you over? Yes, I'll bet you'd just fall for him, right? NOT!
I have enjoyed picturing myself with certain guys over the years and enjoy the imaginations of it knowing it is only in my imagination, not even a near possibility of me ever being with the guy I may dream about. Everything about a crush is one sided, all in your imagination. About all you know about him is what his smile looks like, what his laugh and his voice sounds look and how outgoing or shy he is. Anything else you have thought about him and you has had to be imagined, much like a book author imagined about the conversation between two people and how they react around each other. In a story, you control all their actions and can decide how your happily ever after turns out. Thats not how it works in real life.
So concentrate on being a good friend. Be the kind of girl who is self confident. That means you aren't always striving to do something special as other girls do with their hair, nails, makeup and clothes to get his attention. Yes, guys are visually attracted to women, but what holds their attention if there are other just as nice looking girls is who you are on the inside. Lots of males from middle school even through college may not have figured out yet why they haven't found a girl they like when all they do is look no further than skin deep. But its a good thing to practice now, being yourself, not feeling embarrassed to be yourself. I will say that social anxiety is going to affect you to your dying day not just in relationships but in everything in life. So you will need to decide when you are sick and tired of being that way and willing to do whatever it takes to get past it. I can say that because the day came when I was sick and tired of it and wanted to be more outgoing like my Dad. It was towards the end of my sr year HS that I prayed and asked God for help. What I heard from Him to do at my own speed, step by step was exactly what I found in a book by a psychologist decades later, the very same recipe of how to get over social anxiety. If you are interested, just let me know by going to my page and writing me from there and I will share it with you. Once you don't feel that anxiety any more, you will find it easier to relax and enjoy any time spent with this guy or the many you will meet after him.
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