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How to be louder at work
I'm in my early 20s, and am in a job that I love. I'm always told I'm good at my job, I enjoy it and I feel I am doing well.
The one thing that is holding me back and is acting like a barrier which I can't seem to overcome is my confidence.
I am confident I am doing a good job, but I am also very quiet at work . I'm naturally introverted and struggle to join in as it's quite a loud office.
I get on well with my colleagues and they respect me but sometimes I wish I could show my fun self a bit more and not be so quiet and serious!
I want to join in with the banter so to speak but am to shy to do so. Newbies who have only been there a week / month are quite loud and can join one straight away. How can I be like them?
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I see no one has answered you yet. I wasn't sure what to say as confident people as you state you are don't usually have a problem with speaking too soft. Sounds like you are at the point I was in my last yr of HS when I was tired of being quiet and shy and tried a plan I could take at my own pace until I finally got over it. Heres an article that seems to confront your issue and talks about it:
[Link](Mouse over link to see full location)
The last paragraph details in a nutshell what I did to get over social anxiety. I was way worse off than you by how you describe yourself right now. It worked for me. Here's their last paragraph you'll see in the article:
"Keep putting yourself in scary situations until they don't feel as intimidating. Start with scenarios you can handle right away, and then as you become more sure of yourself, work up to ones that make you feel more inhibited."
Yes, there will always be some fear or awkwardness felt starting out. I had to start with just smiling at people. Was too afraid to do that, thinking it would encourage them to talk to me. I did that til I was comfortable knowing most would only smile back and only a few might say just Hi and keep going. By the way, this doesn't include practicing with friends or family you are already comfortable with but doing so with people where you do struggle, so trying to learn in baby steps you can handle is best.
Try starting out by not trying to jump into a multi person conversation but complimenting co workers as long as you feel genuine about the compliment. People have a way of picking up on the unspoken stuff and may feel it isn't genuine if you say things you dont really mean.
So if you like a new necklace one gal has on, tell her so, I love your necklace. SHe'll say thank you. IT can end there or you can ask where she got it. One time the answer I got was, My daughter gave it to me for Mothers Day. To which I then made one more comment, "Isn't it wonderful to have loving daughters with such good taste?" To which she agreed and that was the end of the convo. But that is quite successful if you think about it because I got a chance to speak 3 sentences and be understood by someone and probably made them feel real good too with the compliment. Try tackling one on one first and if a second person joins in, no problem. But to try to make yourself heard at the start with the entire group is quite formidible. Even now, as chatty and outgoing as I am, my ears are getting older and I don;t always catch every word especially when there is lots of background noise, office, traffic, extremely loud decibel speaking. If I really don't have anything to add to a loud conversation, they'll never miss it. It should be fun having a pleasant convo with coworkers. I remember those well and they were all pleasant. It shouldn't be anything other than a bit of a challenge outside your comfort zone, not something you end up stressed, your ears ringing, feeling like you felt fake to yourself, tired from trying too hard, etc. It may come down to a couple of your co workers having diminished hearing either from birth, being older or having damaged their eyes working without protection around noisy equipment or routinely listening to music played way too loud. So people with diminished hearing will talk at a louder decibel, something I have started doing and my husband points it out. So it may not be a habit to talk overloud but a hearing problem and when we can't hear ourselves talking well enough, we tend to talk louder. If there is no one who doesn't talk at lower decibels when only one on one or a group of three of you, then you may want to try practising with other people as well. In your case, who knows, it could be a combo of things, issues with their hearing and issues with your confidence in speaking to be heard and even knowing what to speak.
Start with compliments. Thats pretty easy. Move on to asking a question, like "Hey did anyone go see any interesting movie this weekend?" Sometimes in a noisy group, thats all I get in, is a chance to start a topic when the louder people take over and there is no chance to jump in and say something.
Even if you don't really need the answer, or don't care what movie they saw, you have to come up with something to practice to start. Then later you will come up with other things to ask mid conversation, like if someone mentioned seeing a dog they thought was abandoned and someone already asked where and somebody already asked what she did then, you could ask what kind of dog it was. Not that it makes big difference to you. But lets say she says it was a terrier and then someone else in the group mentions that terriers are her favorite dog. So now the topic has moved from abandoned dog to favorite dog. So either you ask what other peoples favorite dogs are or share what your favorite is if you have one. Some might say they are cat people instead and you never know, the conversation might eventually lead to crazy cat ladies. Just pay attention and look for clues to move to another topic and start that topic.
Good luck dear.
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