|
I feel like my best friend is abandoning me
It feels like my best friend (we’ll call him R), is abandoning me for another social group. This group can’t really seem to take a liking to me (although I’ve developed a reasonably good friendship with one of them) but they’re fine with R. They don’t take me seriously enough. I feel as if R is too social now and I’m quite the opposite. I miss the days when it was just the 2 of us bantering but now it feels like he doesn’t have time for that anymore. I don’t want to stop hanging around with R, but I don’t like him hanging around with this group . This probably sounds really cheesy but he’s basically the only friend I’ve got and I don’t want to risk losing him
How do I either
a) get him to stop hanging around with this group?
b) get this group to tolerate me?
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I used to be in your place. When I was younger, I'd literally have just one friend. When she got mad and decided to avoid me for a while, I had no one. Then in HS, I only had small groups of friends of 5 or so. I did not have many friends and a good majority of students ignored me, avoided me or teased me but wouldn't befriend me. Looking back, I now realize that if I had asked someone the same questions you are asking me, how to get a person to stop hanging out with other and how to get other people to tolerate me, that no one would have been able to give me an answer because for the most part, the problem didn't lie with the others but with me. And as for having the power to make someone do or not do something, that is stuff of fairy tales and does not exist in the real world. Switch it around and lets say there is someone who wants to be your best friend and wants you to stop being best friends with R, is there any way a person could convince you to do something you do not want to do? What could a person say short of threatening to hire a killer to wipe you out, that would make you drop R and take on the new friend? If someone offered you a large chunk of money, would you? If you can answer yes, then you are not really a true friend and can be influenced easily and that's the kind of person who would turn their back on someone too easy because they care more about what they want than friendship. Back to me, I knew all along what my problem truly was, I had social anxiety, wouldn't talk to others and if I did, it was too obviously stressed and boring and young people have no idea how to deal with people like that other than to ignore them, pretend they don't exist. I sense there may be something like that, something about your character they don't like, that makes them feel uncomfortable or bored. Or there may be a character trait they don't like that is not a bad thing but a good thing. Sometimes those who are much more mature and wiser than their years are shunned because they come across as more of an adult and what young person wants to hang out with a person who reminds them of adults. So, there is no way to give an answer for A, is there is none. And for B, you need to look closer at yourself and determine if there is anything about your personality that turns off interest in others towards you. If there is something you can improve in yourself and still be a good person, then focus on that and don't place blame others. If there is no reason why they should shun you, then perhaps you don't need improving and are already way beyond them and need to wait for them to catch up and mature and yes that can be a lonely road. I've seen others with that problem as well as the one I had. When ever I hear someone say they have no friends or only one or two, most often it points to a person being shy, not knowing how to converse with others or having social anxiety, and I know because as I said, I've been there. If theres anything else you'd like to tell me, I truly would like to help but you didn't say anything that I can really work with. I've had to guess mostly on this or let you know that the questions you asked, taken at face value without any back story, can not be answered. If you write again, I can only answer if you post a new question or go to my column and choose the button to write to me.
]
More Questions: |