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Major crush on this girl
So, I do livestreams on my instagram quite a lot (like 3 or 4 times a week), and everything usually goes quite smoothly,until this girl joins. My heart starts beating really fast and I have to be very careful not to embarrass myself on the stream, but I'll either end up hesitating a lot or speaking really fast without taking a breath. A lot of the time when this girl joins, I move the camera to anywhere but my face, as I go red very easily and don't want people to see my redness on camera. For example, the other day I was streaming at 1AM, there was no people watching for a while and I read out a story I had made. However she joined, which caused me to point the camera at the story and not me. It was very shaky camera work however, and I didn't realise at the time that all you had to do was press a symbol in the bottom-hand corner for the camera to flip the other way round. My very bad camerawork is probably what tempted her to leave, plus when I was reading it out, I spoke really fast without taking a breath and I'm now worried that she hates me and thinks I'm trolling, as she hasn't joined any of my streams since this event. I want her to try and avoid mentioning this incident, because I'll just end up really embarrassed. I could tell her in person why I don't show my face when she joins my livestreams but she's quite close friends with the gossipers, and might tell them and I'd rather just keep it secret. How do I avoid her bringing it up and how do I avoid her friends from bringing it up?
I'm a 14 year old male btw.
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This doesn't happen to just you, its very common with teens when they become interested in the opposite sex and have no prior experience with hanging with or talking to the opposite sex. This not knowing what to do is what makes a person even more nervous than usual when the person they admire is near, is because they are so afraid of saying or doing the wrong thing and having the person they secretly like, either avoid them or continue to blissfully be unaware that someone likes them because the fear causes people to freeze up and not try at all or muddle through and make a mess of it.
You have your results in that you messed up bad enough that she finds your streams boring because you lack self confidence when it comes to dealing with her. Although she doesn't know you act that way in streaming because of her. For all she knows, you're like that with everyone. I used to have extreme social anxiety and no self confidence when i was in School. Didn't get cured of that until I graduated. If you have no problem walking up to strangers and chatting with them and have no trouble talking to the guys, then you don't have social anxiety and its related only to her.
In that case, you will need to gain some self confidence as far as females as concerned. I haven't heard of self confidence being only geared at one sex or the other, for me it was always both I wasn't confident with. So all your questions at the end up worries of her hating you are only distorted thoughts, not based in reality. I had lots of those when I was your age and older. You can't even predict why she isn't joining your streams lately, not 100% correctly. All you can do is guess. And guess what? That will only make you feel worse, focusing on the what ifs and the guesses and letting your imagination run wild on the negative side.
There are few situations with people where I don't have to deal with fear anymore. But I can tell you what to do regarding fear holding you back. Its incorrectly called a leap of faith because when so fearful, that wipes out anything positive like blind faith. Nope, I heard the term in a song and it makes sense, its a leap of fear. The only thing most people don't realize is that this same fear that holds us back from doing something especially because of concern of doing something foolish or to give others something to ridicule you about is the same fear that once you make your move, the fear quickly goes away. You will feel it for a few seconds, maybe up to a minute but if truly facing your fear and not focusing on negative distorted thinking as you're doing so, you should be able to gain self confidence.
A good way to gain self confidence quickly is to used a celebrity to jump start your own self confidence. I read this in a woman's magazine probably cus women have more issues with self confidence due to how they look. However I found the basic principle behind this method to be very effective. IT is not a help for women but for all people with low self confidence. Heres what happened to me before I tell you what to try so that you might be more inclined to actually do what I am going to suggest.
After a divorce and searching for a new partner, I had a little bit of self confidence issues, being with one guy all this time and now out there again, will anyone find me attractive? I knew that yes, someone would but those distorted thoughts kepts popping up so to have 100% confidence I followed the suggestion in the magazine. What is your best feature. It could be your smile, hair, eyes, maybe even sense of humor or laugh. For me, I always felt my eyes were my best feature. It doesn't have to be true for anyone else, just that you feel it. The next step was to think of a celebrity who also has the same best feature, or at least, thats one that comes to mind. The actress had a lot of other great features but I was able to focus on my eyes. It has to be realistic for now, the age you're at so I'd go with celebrities who were in their 40s or so, you'd consider ones who are in their teen years. I choose one actress whose eyes I've always loved. Even though our eyes are not alike, they both stand out. Now that you have a celebrity in mind, use an image of that person, see them enter a room and watch how everyone turns to notice them and everyone wants to meet and talk to that celeb. Now you keep that in mind and everything you leave home or step out of a car or you are in public again, picture yourself as not just having this one feature in common but you are that celebrity, with the self confidence they need to have in front of the camera and people. So without doing anything different other than several times a day, putting that image of yourself looking like the chosen celeb and people noticing it, is what needs to happen. I did that with my eyes. I usually don't wear makeup and certainly wasn't when I was shocked to have both men and women approach me and tell me what pretty eyes I had and remember, no makeup to make those eyes pop out. It happened many different places. Okay, so what made people notice me then but not before? It wasn't a physical thing, it wasn't what they saw but what all humans are capable of doing, picking up on non tangible things, just the energy waves, positive thoughts, etc. If you feel good about yourself, others will be drawn to you because you seem fun to be around. Now I know it was only in relation to my eyes but I could actually feel that self confidence growing in me. It was a very elated feeling and also wonder that so many people commented on just my eyes once I focused on my eyes as my best attribute or feature. I am sure it can work for you too. You need to really come up with a celeb that reminds you in some tiny way of a part of you, maybe its how he walks even. But this is crucial. Then seeing yourself as looking like or getting the kind of attention that celeb would get and doing so many times a day, like when I left the house, or left the restrooms, entered a store, library or where ever, even getting on a city bus. You don't have to look around to see who is looking at you. People will feel compelled enough to approach you as happened in All my incidents, and they spoke first. Once you feel self confidence, it just spreads from there. This is a trick on your mind to give it something positive are far as self image and confidence to focus on instead of the negative things and fears.
Once you are self confident, here's one more thing you can do. Can't guarantee it will get the girl that you want but it will come in handy at some point. Don't choose a girl you're crushing on for this, just a girl you could enjoy spending time with as a friend. If you can't get one girl alone to ask, it works too if addressing a couple or trio of girls hanging together. What you are going to do is face the problem of at your age, not really knowing anything about and needing to learn about how to act around and talk to girls. You need to have a good amount of time of success here before moving on to a girl you have real interest in. You are not going to ask to date so don't get scared.
You ask a girl or couple girls if they might be willing to help you with something. Tell them that since you are just starting to be interested in girls, you want help from a girl or couple of girls in learning how to talk to girls, like what subjects do they like to talk about. How to understand them better, what kinds of things to do and not do when talking to a girl. Mention that if they have any general male understanding needs that they can ask you and you'd be glad to help them as well. Only girls who are snobs won't want to be bothered. But smart kind girls will see the true need for their help and possibly yours for them and should be okay with helping out. Let them know its not that you are interested romantically, you simply want to learn from a female how to act around females. Some guys learn from having sisters. Others have none or just didn't pay attention to their own sisters. SO this is a real valid need. There are plenty of adults who never bothered to learn the differences between men and women such as outlined in the book 'Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus' And there are plenty of adults with rocky relationships who never learned some of the very basics of differences between the sexes. Its these differences that can make for misunderstandings, false assumptions, jumping to conclusions that are totally wrong, frustration and maybe anger. That crap doesn't belong in a healthy relationship. Relationship know hows are not taught in a class so we have to learn on our own. Learn from other girls, or start buying books on how to understand women. But seriously, you will want to work on your self confidence first, trust someone who's been there before.
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