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Stop jelousy
It's long, I know, but please read, this is important.
I'm a 14 year old female. I've always had a particularily hard life being from a relatively poor family that often struggles to pay for rent and food. I've had issues within my family involving alcoholism, mental illness, and drug abuse. Often times when I see people on Instagram doing things I can't do, like going on vacation, living in mansions, seeing broadway shows, etc, I can't help but feel extremely envious. It just makes me think about how much happiness is in the world that I have never felt. My life can get better if I get my education and go on to be a succesful person, but that is so far away. I could die tomorrow and have never experienced a world outside America, and never have done all the things I want to do. I want to be able to see broadway shows, to go on vacation, to learn all the insturments I wanna learn and to go to the mall without worrying if something is too expensive. I know I sound self centered, but I would use that money for good too. I already donate my spare money to charity which I never see any of the rich kids do.
I always try to remind myself I don't know what other people's worlds look like, and that they are going through problems too and on Instagram and snapchat they are only showing the glamorous parts, how my social medias make my world look like a perfect place too, and that there is more to the world than material goods. Aside from my finances, I enjoy life, and I have such great experiences without the money, but I still want money so I can do everything I want to do. It makes me so sad and envious to think about other people and their beautiful, bourgeouise world.
It seems like life just keeps throwing more and more things at me. My parents used to have well paying jobs but they both lost them and had to settle for crappier jobs. Then my dad has an injured back and needs to get all these surgeries that make him addicted to the medication and don't even work. My landlord keeps getting ruder and ruder to the point where I can't even take long showers anymore because she's timing them. Then my brother had autism. My dad got a job in Alabama and worked there for a while, making some money, but then gets into a car accident and most of the money ends up going to that instead.
It's causing me a great deal of stress and anger that are only harming me more to envy other people. How do I stop?
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Hi. I think the idea of being in someone else's shoes is something everyone may have done at some point or another. I think the hardest part you are struggling with at this point is not the being jealous it's the frustration of having all these things you would like to be able to do but can't at this stage in your life. Everything you have spoken about is not something you need a miracle for to achieve. Just opportunity. A good education will help you get a good job. This will equal income and stability for you as well as for your family. The first time I got paid from my first proper job, I went out on a spending spree not caring about how much something cost - if it was something I wanted I just brought it. It felt good to be able to spend and not worry about how much I'm spending (to a degree).
You and your family have been dealt a bad hand with all that has been happening with you all and that is unfortunately not something anyone can change but the thing you can change is how you deal with it and achieve despite the hardship you are facing. Continue to do well with studies. When you are legally able to, get yourself a little summer job so you can get some experience with work and earn a little extra money. There might even be places that will hire you at 14 (paper routes for example).
As for all these people on social media, as you said, life is never so perfect as they make it out to be. This is not something you need to tell yourself to feel better this is a fact. All my friends use social media and in fact a majority of them come to me for help with problems and issues and looking at their social media feeds you would never think that any of them have problems because their life just seems so perfect. It's a mask many people wear for the world, to show everything is perfect. It might look that way from the outside but get closer and it can be a different story.
There's nothing wrong with a little envy, it can push us to excel and give us something to try and achieve but its when that envy becomes an obsession or a source of depression it is a problem. Try and be patient and all will come in time but don't stop aiming for the things you want because some people will just sit back and expect them to fall into their lap and this is the complete opposite of what I am saying.
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There is an old expression that says, "The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence." "What it means is the other side of the fence always looks better until you jump to the other side. Then guess what the side you were on somehow now looks greens.
Don't get me wrong the people with money have their problems too. Most are a direct result of having money. They overspend, they don't save for a rainy day and they are totally unprepared if the bottom drops out of their world. A good example of this was the 2008 recession and all the homes that were foreclosed on. These people lived way above their means.
I remember the first time I applied for a mortgage. I was approved for $200,000. I may have been approved for that amount but there was no way I could pay a mortgage of that size and still put food on the table and all the necessities and pay the rest of my bill. Yet the lender was pushing me to buy a bigger home then I could afford. I bought what I could afford and rode out two recessions without any problem.
My parents were not rich and I didn't get what other kids had. After school and a hitch in the air Force I was able to work my way up in jobs to a very successful and well paying job. My wife and I have one son and he wanted for nothing.
The object of our country is that our children should do better than the parents and more opportunities. My son is half my age and between him and his soon to be wife there income is double what my wife and I made. That is the way it should be.
It will be for you to if you stay in school, get good grades and go to college. You may have to take out student loans to pay for college. If you do then do so because the better paying jobs come with that Diploma unless you want to work with you hands as an Electrician, plumber or carpenter.
I understand and I have walked in your shoes and know how much it hurts no being able to have what others have. Let your parents worry about finances that is their job not yours. If you need to take a long hot shower try showering after school in the gym showers. Just explain to the teacher why you need to do so and I'm sure they will understand.
If you buckle down and do what you are suppose to do and let your parents worry about what they are suppose to worry about. I promise you things will get better for you and in what may look like a distant future but really isn't that far off you will have the things you want.
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