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Sad and Lost
I feel like I am in a crisis now. I recently had to leave several people I love very dearly to come home and I am living with my mom who I have no emotional relationship with. These people were my emotional lifeline while at school and in life including one teacher in particular who really cared about me and I came to depend on her emotionally and on our regular meetings. Every time I think about these people I sob. My life feels aimless. I feel like I am not here. Their love was what I lived for and now I don't feel it anywhere. I feel like my body is here but nothing else. I am doing things and in a summer program in (commuting daily to NYC) which I am working on things I'm passionate about, but I don't feel fully here. Last night my mom and I had a fight and it brought back all this pain and I started to feel suicidal. I am so depressed and feel so lost. Leaving the house for anything at all gives me anxiety. I have no one to talk to or sit with or hug. Why do I even exist? The emotions I have inside feel massive. If I try to fully release them it will be too big and too much for the people around me to handle (especially my mom).
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Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
I`m so sorry about you feeling so bad now. I hope your emotional health get well soon and you will cope with all your troubles. Maybe it`s the right time to dedicate yourself to something you love the most. Think about it. If you are good in something it`s your time to set up and achieve your goals. I have found myself in writing when I thought everything was lost. Now I`m satisfied with my life and know [Link](Mouse over link to see full location) as my second home where I can be myself.
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I don't understand why when there is the social media that exists that you can't stay in touch and get that support you want thru lets say Facebook or emails and best of all Skype where you can see their faces. I know its 2nd best because you can't get the hugs that way, but 2nd best is better than non at all. I will pray that you will also find new emotional support people where you are now.
I tend to be intuitive at times and with your message, thoughts are being dropped into my mind and I feel urged to share. So this could be totally off but I'll be brave and share.
I got the impression that You just might be an Empath, a highly sensitive person. Not saying this is a bad thing. I tend to call this the touchy-feely type. My husband is like that, and one sister is like that. She has called me for emotional support when for example she had a fight on the phone with another sister and the first thing i hear is her crying as I answer. I will post an article that goes into detail on what I'd rather not write pages of myself but it is important for you to read and decide if this is a possibility for you. When you said you felt depressed and anxious from the fight with Mom, thats when I heard the thought in my head to share this with you. I have not ever done this with anyone else who has written with similar situations to yours so I do feel this strongly and always try to follow my hunches. Please read the aritcle I will post several times over. Do not dismiss it because parts of it don't feel like they apply. Get familiar with the signs of what an empath is. YOu may not have been aware before, but once you've read this piece, I hope you would start looking for how you feel when around people who are sad, anxious, depressed or some other such thing. It is true that an empath who doesnt know they are one, can and will soak up like a sponge, take on all the negative things out there in the world and it can truly floor you and make it so hard to enjoy your life. If you start to see some correlation to the timing and situations you are in when you feel the most distressed, you might be Empathic. Fortunately, there are those who've gone before you who have studied this subject and there are ways you can guard yourself from not automatically or subconsciously picking up every negative thing in the world around you. Even if there is some kind of abuse or negative experiences in your past, yes, those can be part of whats hurting you now but the article also mentions that empathic people 'are vulnerable to emotional abusers who want to use and manipulate them.' So please read and let me know what you think or even write later and let me know if you noticed some of the signs that apply to you.
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