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Should i cut this person off?
So i have a friend and to be honest we were never really friends to begin with. I would say i was closer to her mom than her because her mom actually knew stuff about me while she didnt bother. So basically i have this friend lets call her Kim, kim and i became friends in grade 10 and then hungout in the summer time. When grade 11 hit kim got a boyfriend and thats when our friendship changed forever, kim would always talk about her boyfriend 24/7 and if he wasnt the topic of the convo she wasnt interested. She would only call me on the phone to talk about him or finally acknowledge me when they got in a fight and would cry on the phone and rant to me. So grade 12 comes and they finally break up and i thought the old Kim would come back, wrong! Kim immediately got into a relationship a week after breaking up with her ex and then the same cycle continued. Now we're in college and i got tired of her and just stopped answering her phone calls cause i didnt want to hear about what her bf did for the 5th time this week since she didnt care about my well-being etc so then after awhile we stopped talking and then Kim texted me and we started talking again (of course about her bf) so now everytime i would text Kim hi she would never respond and her bf would post a snapchat of her with her phone in her hand. Meaning she did get my texts. Normally it doesnt bother me but now it does because im always there for her but when i want to talk to her shes no where to be found. so today she called me while i was in class so of course i couldnt answer. I called her back and she had the fakest voice on the phone and she quickly found any excuse to end the call. I got offended about this because any slight change in a way a person treats me it makes me feel like ive done something wrong. Ever since she started this new relationship she already cut two of my friends off and since im friends with them i feel like shes trying to be fake with me what do i do? Should i just cut her off? (i dont really see her anymore because we go to different colleges)
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Want to answer more questions in the Relationships category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
I want you to remember this feeling clearly of what it is like when a relationship is one sided for the most part with a person who only contacts you if they have a need.
What I am going to share should help you make up your mind whether to keep going as is or cut her off totally.
Even in couple relationships, the good happy long lasting ones, this is a very important concept, being on equal grounds with the other and for couples I will share the following quote but it works the same for friends.
"Happily ever after doesn't happen just because we wish it so. It only happens when both parties put in maximum effort to make it so."
She is not putting in any effort. Just because she once did in grade 10 doesn't mean she still has to be a friend. She is only an acquaintance, someone you know of but no longer acts like a friend. If you are tired of taking your precious time to be there for her only when she needs consoling, then its time to cut her off. She won't get it if you explain so don't bother. Just start saying that she called at a bad time and hang up or say you have a guest over and need to go, or you have someone on hold on the other line. So this consistantly and she'll get the picture that you no longer a shoulder for her to cry on or boast about b/f with.
There is something missing in her, whether in her personality, or some way she feels inferior to other females and feels the only way to be complete is to have a man in her life. That's not the way to a healthy relationship. KNow that saying "Get a life!" Its true that it is important to have a life of your own and enjoy yourself and be fairly happy with who you are, even if you know you need to make some improvements. Those who don't have a life, will lean too heavily on their partner. Thats like being a leach stuck on someones leg. You do nothing but suck and such on them for the life giving blood it gives you and you may be fooled into thinking you now have a life. But its disaster waiting to happen. Once the partner feels run dry, or earlier, they may realize they no longer feel anything for this person and break up. She will continue going on to new boyfriends always thinking the problem was with them, not her.
In case you are having any twinges of feeling guilty about cutting her off, don't. Realize that people between the ages of high school thru age 30 are doing a lot of changing from who they were, whether change for the better as in most or for the worse as in some. This is a time when the very best of friends can drift apart as they both change, grow, mature and follow their own paths which may not resemble the original friendship and things they had in common. Its just a fact of life. So if a once time friend no longer feels like a friend, thats a good enough reason to let them go, especially if they are stuck in life and not making any progress towards learning how to get a life.
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