my bus driver wanted a Christmas card from me, I do like him. he has been flirting with me since the summer of 16. well I made a card for him and i just signed the card always, sasha and I attached a candy cane to the front of it.but I wanted to ask him to go for coffee and give him my number but I don't want too come off as desperate. so I decided not to do that. I feel the man should take the lead. is this true or false if a man is truly interested in a woman he will ask her out regardless of how shy he is?
rainhorse68 answered Tuesday December 20 2016, 3:23 pm: It's certainly not the case that a guy will just go ahead and ask a girl out if he really likes her, and it is not a mark of depth of feeling either. Asking may just be a casual 'punt' in which the answer of yes or no is of little concern to him either way. And in fact, in such cases it is indeed very easy for the guy to ask, since the outcome is of little real consequence to him. We struggle with, and feel most nervous over the things we value most, and in which we therefore have more than a casual interest in the outcome. So do guys have insecurities? What are our fears? Well, in cases like this it's the same as for girls. The fear is the fundamentally human 'fear of rejection'. We do not like rejection. From anyone. Least of all, from someone whose high regard we wish to win. Someone whose approval and acceptance we desire, perhaps very greatly. It may seem the better option in our minds to 'never know for sure'. Then at least the possibility will always be there, in some way. The rejection, if it comes will swiftly and finally end all our hopes. So, will a guy go on 'not asking' purely because the fear of asking and receiving a rejection is just too high? Yes. I'm afraid we do sometimes. Would we feel all wrong if the girl somehow cleared the path ahead with the right words? Or would we think she was pushy, predatory or slutty? When we really care about the outcome it's option one every time. Then we're silently begging 'Please....help me out here! Say something or do something to let me know I won't get a crushing knock-back. If you do I'll make all the running from that second on. You see if I don't." Is that a fair reply? You might be a bit surprised, since another big part of being a guy is really not talking the way I am to you right now and admitting stuff like this. That we get scared too. And quite often our fears and insecurities are fundamentally the same as you girls. [ rainhorse68's advice column | Ask rainhorse68 A Question ]
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