|
Lost Everything and Everybody - Want to Die
My life has always been tough, more downs than ups. Never married, no kids. I had a good job. I had a best friend, an only friend of over 40 years. Then I found a girlfriend. As far as kids, well, that boat had sailed. We were both in our 50's. But then, catastrophe hit. The economy went bust, and I lost my job. About this same time my friend died. My girlfriend dumped me. I lost my home, and became homeless. I attempted suicide but the police interfered. here in Illinois, once people like me are out of the hospital, they put you in a nursing home. After you're more coherent, they put ya in State run housing. I get counseling and therapy as part of the deal. But the councilors want me to accept things and move on. I can't. Jerry was my only friend. I still can't get Jill outta my head. I'm absolutely alone, no friends, no family. I want to die so badly I can taste it. I don't know what to do.
[ ]
Want to answer more questions in the Health & Fitness category?
Maybe give some free advice about: Mental health?
Evidently, the counseling you're getting is not adequate to help you address your depression and suicidal thoughts. Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. You need really good, professional help. I know things are rotten right now, but you can't change them if you give up.
You may need to be on medication if you aren't already. You apparently need a new approach. Many people have been through some of the losses you are experiencing and there is a way out. I can't give you all the answers but I can only urge you not to give up until you find them. The courage that it takes to turn things around will be worth the struggle. You'll be able to look back and see how far you've come. As long as you are living, you have the ability to learn new ways to cope and make a fresh start. Go out and get the book, "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl. That is a great place to start.
]
I also lost everything, job, place to live, girlfriend (she was also my best friend) and cat. I also wished on a daily basis that I was dead instead of having to face what was to come. Tired of the struggle. I didn't see a point in continuing. I just wanted it to end.
I'm glad I didn't. Now I've learned to be happy with the little I have and I'm a happier person for it overall. Things started "looking up" when I accepted my life situation. The current life situation is not my life, its just my current life situation and life changes all the time. Things didn't change, it was just my attitude. I wasn't fighting against what life gave me anymore. Acceptance is the first step. I not only accepted that "this" was now my life situation, I took it as that this was part of my journey for growth as a human being. I held the idea that I didn't know what the universe had in store for me and that this was just a stepping stone, even if I didn't see it at the time. I think I've grown more since that happened to me, than in the last 2 decades of living a "normal" life.
My life situation hadn't changed, it was just my attitude about it and that made all the difference.
One time, I was at a party and my girlfriend was really drunk and flirting other guys. I saw it happening, then noticed thoughts coming to my head. As I entertained these thoughts, emotions of varying degrees followed the different thoughts. Then I came to the conclusion that if I couldn't think those thoughts, I wouldn't feel these feelings. So I stopped entertaining those negative thoughts and the negative feelings went away also. This is true of life in general. Including the situation you find yourself in.
Not accepting what is, takes away your peace. It all has to do with what you focus on. Thoughts come first, then we interpret the thoughts, then emotions follow. Our thoughts/focus on that "life sucks" will keep us there. The brain also works by unconsciously find evidence of what you think and your belief systems. Try to focus on things that you are grateful for. I'm sure you can find some reasons to be grateful.
Another thing that might be influencing you is age. There are many stories of people who became greatly successful after they retired or are over 50. There's also lots of success stories of people who became rich and successful after being homeless.
We don't know what's in store for us. Torturing ourselves by fighting what is (our current life situation), is no way to live. People just get depressed or bitter or both.
I'd like to recommend a really good book called "the power of now" by eckhart tolle. Which is all about accepting what is.
They have medical marijuana in IL. Might want to check that out too. It doesn't have the harmful side effects of anti depressives and it works instantly. Also, it really helps get out of your own head and gain some perspective. Really good for being in the moment. Unfortunately, a lot of regular doctors are brainwashed that its bad because its a "drug". The doctors that prescribe it have the information about it. Not general doctors (which might carry their own prejudices) Its totally legal in some states and in many countries. It doesn't kill people unlike many regular prescription drugs. Don't let your preconceived notions about it stop you from trying what could lift your depression. And its a lot safer than regular medication for depression that alters your brain chemistry.
You have to accept what is in order to move on. Focus on things you're grateful for. Don't entertain the regular thoughts you have that lead you to want to die on a regular basis. Find something that gives meaning/purpose to your life. Or at least find something you love or are passionate about. Otherwise life can get pretty dull. There are many videos on youtube to help. Not only audiobooks but other resources. Good luck! You can do it.
]
More Questions: |