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friend copying me
So I have this friend and she seems to be trying to out-be me if that makes sense. I'll explain:
so there's this guy I went on a date with and friend-zoned and then a month later she started flirting with him and now they're going on a date. Now she is saying that she thinks I am jealous of them and I know that I am not, but I do find it annoying that out of everyone she had to go after him.
I have a best friend and this year even though she is one of my good friends too, she has become best friends with my best friend and now she tries to do everything with her. I do not have ownership of my friend but I am just saying that once again I find it odd that it is her that she goes after.
Now my friends think I am jealous of her and the guy because of the way I act. I act excited for her and interested in their dates because she did the same for me when I dated him and I would act that way regardless of who the guy is.
I haven't said anything but really I am just thinking that she has been trying to do what I've done but better. It is bothering me that she has been telling people that I am jealous of her now.
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When someone copies you, sometimes it means that they have no idea how to be self confident and unique and discover who they are and just be themselves. SO the easiest thing to do is to copy someone who admire. Being her friend, I am sure she has admired lots about you. You are most likely more self assured than her, more outgoing, more bold, more everything. Its not uncommon to borrow self confidence by imagining yourself to be that other person. The real magic happens due to the power of being able to create with our thoughts so if she's just going through the motions and doing stuff to the extreme of doing everything you did to get your old bf, without changing the issues in her mind, how she thinks of herself, it won't work forever. Deep inside, the insecure person or person with other issues knows something isn't right with themselves so in order to distract people from seeing the obvious in them, they will point the finger at others and accuse them of random things that aren't true. I had an ex like that. Mental illness, wouldn't go get help from a Dr. and always talking to people when i was right there, cutting me down and pointing the finger at me, saying how I was the one who was insecure when actually it was him.
If she is telling people that you are jealous, then it is confirmation that she is actually jealous of you. Either you ignore this issue with her and continue to be her friend, or you stop the friendship. I do not know if this is simple immaturity she'll grow out of eventually some day or something more serious like a personality disorder or mental illness. However, there isn't anything I can think of that you could do to help her change. A person needs to be willing to admit they have an issue or problem and then be willing to find the right person, usually a professional who can help and be willing to do the things, practice the changes, the lessons, etc. to become better. Many people go their entire life with a personality disorder and have few lasting friends because of it.
Do not let what she says or does, bother you. If others are fooled by her performance and believe her to be what she is pretending to be, it will eventually end and they will see who she really is. We all do something like that to some extent when meeting a possible new employer or possible new dating partner. We try to put our best foot forward and if we feel inadequate, we pretend to be someone we're not just to get the job or the person and the personal energy it takes to keep a false persona going 24/7 is very draining so eventually when a person who is pretending to be you or just someone other than who they are, will let their guard down. Their real self comes through and people who may have been drawn to her would eventually see the real her and realize she's not what they thought, and drop her.
On your side of it, you may fear too much that others will believe her and ruin your life or at least chances in some things. People have believe some terrible horrible things about me (mistakenly of course) throughout my life. I never let it rattle me. I knew I wasn't jealous, mean, snotty, whatever it was they said of me. If I was, or believed I was, yea, then it would make sense to be upset at someone finding out and/or telling others. So if you have no reason to believe that what she is saying is true, you have no reason to be upset being called something you are not. I hope you see the logic there. Only if you are busy still trying to prove yourself to people will you jump to the bait of taunts and other name calling and actually lose control of your emotions. That then leaves the concern of the other people believing her. If others who really truly know you, would actual fall for her accusation of being jealous and decide not to hang out with you anymore, then she actually did you a favor. Thats a good way to weed out who are your true friends or at least mature friends who will give you the benefit of the doubt and know you well enough to know that is not you or your issue. I know I put in 30 yrs with a ex who did that and more, lots of verbal abuse. At one point my body could no longer handle the stress even if I kept myself mentally stable throughout. The stress has to go somewhere. So depending on how bad the situation is, one problem, can probably be handled, but if she mistreats you in many other ways, it then seriously means deciding wether its worth keeping her in your life or not.
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