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My friend has a crush on me, I don't know what to do about a thing he did.
I have this friend who told me yesterday that he has feelings for me and he asked me if I wanted to go on a date with him some time. We've been close friends for about 4 years now, but I'm not interested in him at all like that. I told him I'm not interested, sorry,but don't worry this doesn't have to affect our friendship at all. And I genuinely mean that, he's my friend and I'm more than capable of not being awkward just because he has a little crush.
The thing is him telling me this made me think of something that happened a few months ago. A bunch of friends and I went out one night, he was there, and I got pretty drunk, like to the point where when we got back to another friend's house, where we were staying that night, I ended up puking then I passed out on a couch. The next morning when I woke up on the couch, he was lying on the couch next to me. He said he just fell asleep on that couch too, that he was tired and just too lazy to move to another couch, but he hadn't been drinking, he was completely sober, and there were plenty of other empty couches that he could have slept on. He has since, on multiple occasions, made a big deal about how he can only sleep on flat surfaces like beds and how even lying flat out on a couch he can't sleep like that because he's too tall for couches.
At the time I tried not to think too much of it, I didn't have any reason not to believe him, he's a good friend of mine, he said he just fell asleep on the couch, so I just assumed he wasn't lying.
Now I think he took advantage of the fact I was blackout drunk. And I'm angry about that, and I feel incredibly uncomfortable about the whole situation. I feel bad for him, it sucks when you have feelings for someone and they don't feel them back, and he's a good friend of mine, I care about him, I don't want to hurt his feelings. But I feel like what he did was not okay. At all.
So basically I don't know what to do, I don't know what to say to him, and I just want advice, I want to know what other people would do in my situation, I want to know if I'm justified in feeling angry about what happened.
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Maybe give some free advice about: Friendship?
You're justified in feeling angry and uncomfortable, but at this point, all you can really do is decide if you actually still want to be his friend or not in light of how you now view his behaviour.
Honestly, in your shoes, I'd likely choose to cool down or end the friendship completely. Confronting him or speaking to him about the incident, is unlikely to make anything better between you. It's pretty unlikely he'll acknowledge that he made a very poor choice by taking an opportunity to be that physically close to you while you were blackout drunk. The very best thing that can be said about what he did, was that it was a poor choice, and it could be called much worse than that.
You aren't quite suggesting here than you believe assaulted you. If you don't believe that happened, or are just uncomfortable with the fact you can't know for certain that he didn't, then the best choice is probably to keep yourself safe and stay away from him.
It is okay that the very doubt about what happened, changes the friendship for you. Those feelings are not wrong. Your first job is to keep yourself safe, not make some guy feel okay about a stupid thing he did.
It's okay to both feel sorry for him because he has a crush that doesn't feel the same way, and feel like he's not a person you want to keep close as a friend. Both of those things can be true at the same time.
Also, please ignore Justafriend1234 and their 'friendly' advice about drinking. Getting black out drunk is never a good thing. Everyone fucking knows that. You know that. You don't need people to shame you when you express concern for your safety, because being blackout drunk also NEVER means another person should take advantage of that situation in any way. If you stripped naked and fell down on top of him, he still should have behave respectfully, tried to keep you safe and not taken advantage of the moment to be closer to you then necessary to keep you safe. It's not actually complicated, even though some guys like to pretend that "not being an asshole" is really hard work and confusing. It's not.
Forgiving someone is nearly always the right thing to do, but forgiveness does NOT mean the friendship must continue or be the same as before. Forgiveness just means letting go of anger. It doesn't mean pretending something didn't happen that did.
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First i wanna say you did a good thing telling him u weren't interested in him in that way buy you still wanted to be friends. It isn't always easy telling someone your close to, that you don't want to be more than friends, this might make your friendship a little awkward but it will get better eventually. Now regarding about what happened at that friends house, you will never know if he was or was not lying about what happened, and you know why that is, it is because you were drinking way to much. There are a lot of responsibilities to being an adult and when you go out with someone, you have to make sure you stay safe and try to stay as sober as possible, you might be a grown adult but i think it was kind of not smart for you to get so drunk that you blacked out because something could have happened with you and that friend. I mean you could ask him but he wont tell you the truth if something actually did happen with you 2. But you can always forgive and forget. If he did something with you, forgive him. You forgave yourself for blacking out and not remembering anything, or for getting so drunk didnt you. You can forgive but you may never forget, but you can move past it. There is no need to think about it more and get more and more mad over it because that is going to build up anger that you are going to let out one day on someone you didn't mean to and this may ruin a relationship in your future. Don't think about what happened that night and just think about the present and the future with your friend. This may not mean a relationship couple wise but it can mean building up your friendship more
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