about

I was born into a blue-blooded east coast family. All of my brothers were in politics, and my father was a great patron of the arts. The idea of noblese-oblige permeated my childhood and adolesence. When my entire family was killed in a freak rhinocerous-attack while hunting in the congo, and poor legal representation ended up losing all of our money to a janitorial firm in a personal dispute over a mexican hooker, I lost all of my inheritance and any other money I might have had. Poor and down on my luck, I picked up a pen in a momment of frustration and began to write. I realized: I was damned good at writing. My previous sense of responsibility to help people, growing up, naturally led me to advice-columning. I went to college at harvard and recieved a bachlors in literature, I then went to graduate school where I recieved my PHD in advice-column writing.
I'm here to help. With anything. I've traveled the world, I've seen and experienced it all. Any question you may have, I can provide acute, insightful, intelligent (and not a bit unhelpful) advice. Just get at me. Holler atcha boy, young'un.
Holler at your boy.

advice

My girlfriends bummed because I'm down on myself. She's wondering how she could boost my self-esteem. Any ideas?

Well, in a situation like this, there's obviously no 'right' answers, but I'll tell you what Brian (I'm going to call you Brian so I don't get you confused with Trent), I would turn this possibly innocent gesture of concern into full-blown sexual innuendo. That's right, Brian, I would milk that self-esteem crap into three blowjobs a day and a tasty snack of avacado-toast everyday after school/work.
This solution works for everyone. If you really are down on yourself (but i can't see why, being as you have a girlfriend who will go down on you until all the other guys call her 'pussy-mouth'), then this is the perfect solution to your low-self-esteem issues. If you're just pretending (I can read you like a book Brian, you sly fox. You were already thinking this and just wanted validation, didn't you? haha. Well go ahead buddy, the sky is the limit!) then it's all good. You can tell your girlfriend a "doctor" told you "blowjobs" are "guarenteed to increase" self "esteem".
The only thing I could see complicating this is if your girlfriend is hideous, morbidly obese, or has some sort of tropical STD. If this is the case, then I can only offer you the obvious: dump the broad, Brian. I'm sure your self-esteem will skyrocket after that grotesque monkey is thrown off of your back into the murky african waters, where it will inevitably be devoured by piranahs. I saw it on a nova special once. Those little bastards really will eat anything that moves. Even your fat-ass girlfriend.
Mazaltav.

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