Member Since: July 16, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: July 16, 2012
Visitors: 369
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I'm a 16 year old girl in New Jersey. I went to a private all-girls school for grade 9 and 10 , because I hate myself, my body, my lack of confidence and courage. My parents want to send me to public school next year for gr 11 for they can no longer afford private. I've been thinking about committing suicide and cry myself to sleep every night for about 2 years. I hate everything about me, but my skills and love in ICT. I lack confidence, courage, and am too scared to go out in public. I've kept a lot of secrets for friends and for myself from my family, and not helping out my parents in housework has made them weak. I have 3 younger sisters and a brother who's the youngest.
As much as I hate myself and intend to commit suicide for various reasons I cant explain, I want to watch my brother grow up too. I don't want that I commit suicide, and my mother gets ill from it, and the future of my siblings be shattered. I dont want my family to hold their heads in shame after my death. They've done nothing wrong raising me all this time- it's just that I'm a coward. I have migraines and other bodily problems, I dont want to have sex, I hate my body, I dont want to have children and get married, I dont want to step out in public, I dont want to go to college; I'm just too shy and nervous. The problem here is I cant visit or call any one without my family knowing, and I'm planning to get rid of myself before grade 11 starts. I want to die and rot in hell for the bastard and sins I am and have done, but I wanna see my family and sibligs and their future as well. I dont want my death to split the family apart; I'm a horrible rolemodel and my siblings arent that good as they should be either.
I honestly dont know what to do ; I'm too big of a coward for many reasons, but I'll miss living as well. Yeah, this is awkward, but I'm done with convincing myself I can do anything good. I'm lazy, emotional, and a little more than average in beauty. What should I do? (link)
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I have two things that I suggest that you read. The first is #2 on this article from the popular site Cracked.com:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/5-bits-advice-that-dont-make-sense-until-its-too-
late_p2/
Second, I strongly recommend that you watch this lecture by Stanford Professor Robert Sapolsky:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOAgplgTxfc
Be sure that you watch the whole thing. Then, talk to your doctor as soon as possible. This is something that is absolutely not your fault. And this is something that millions of people struggle with every single day. People just like you. You are absolutely not in this alone, and how you are feeling is absolutely not your fault.
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