Member Since: January 6, 2013
Answers: 1
Last Update: January 7, 2013
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How do Christians deal with what they consider inappropriate sexual urges? I am a teenage girl and I have desires that I know are wrong to fulfill until I am married, and because I am Christian and believe the word of God.
For example:
Desires for a person that a Christian is not married to.
Desires for a person who is not Christian.
Desires for a person who is of the same gender.
I understand that I cannot make the sexual urges suddenly go away since they have to do with hormones and maturing, but how can I keep them under control as a Christian? I love God and I do not want to disrespect Him or my body by giving into sexual desires in this inappropriate time.
I want to be the best Christian I can be and I know that means controlling myself when it comes to sexual activity. Are there ways to limit these desires to very infrequent times or are they something I cannot lessen no matter what?
I am also considering speaking to my pastor about this problem but I would like to know if that is appropriate to do in the first place.
Any advice is appreciated! (link)
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First and foremost before I answer your questions. I wanted to clarify with where I'm coming from first. I offer you only advice and what I have discovered during my walk with God. I am by no means perfect and I offer this only as what I know. I am Christian and I believe in it being a personal relationship with Jesus. With that being said:
1) Desire is a natural part of being human. God granted us this wonderful gift. It is not something we can control. Feelings are neither good nor bad they simply are. This is what I've learned from all my years of counciling and much work on my walk with God. So as for the answer to this question...desire alone is not controllable but what is, is what you do with it. How you chose to act on it.
I have much desire for the man I am currently courting. ((Mind you I don't agree with the world's view on "dating" and courting truly is what I'm doing. Courting is for marriage. I want to be married eventually.))
I am still learning on how to act with my desire for him. But the best I can say is I keep giving this desire to God and talking to him about it. And I also keep looking to God on how to answer what this desire seeks. Beyond that I try not to act out of this "condition". If I am sexually desiring my boyfriend I will ask him for space physically if I find myself struggling and unable to sit with God on it. When I get space I sit alone and pray. This has helped me more than anything else I've done.
While I don't have scripture to quote this is what I've done and has helped me greatly.
2) Desire again is not a bad thing. It is a gift. I believe however this falls under "boundaries". God commands us not to seek out non-believers as a spouse because this walk with God is so important...to be unable to share what it means with someone who is suppose to be close to you emotionally and physically when your married is damaging. Your walk comes first before a boyfriend. And when you are married you and your spouses walk with God must come first...By doing this I believe the relationship will be healthy as long as you put God first. So with that being said, I'm sure there is scripture I could quote to back up what I'm saying but honestly my memory recall button is not working currently so I implore you if you have any questions or concerns to seek out the bible and look up what I'm saying.
So what do you do with the desire then with all that being said? I say the only wisdom I can think of...pray about it. Give it to God and seek out healthy trust worthy brothers and sisters in Christ with whom will help support you in your walk. And help you with not making decisions based on your desire...because that would be putting God second to what is best for you.
3) Pray, give this to God, speak with a trust worthy person who is strongly walking with God to help support you in not acting on the impulses of that desire. Ultimately I think it is not your fault that your body craves and that your feelings are there. But feeding this place can be unhealthy and take away from your walk with God.
Keep them under control? There is no such thing. Sexual desire is stronger than anything you or me or anybody can "control" All you can do is stick by your choices and keep nurturing your walk with God. And pray and keep giving up these places to him.
Limiting is not a bad thing. I think abstaining from porn, as it is already a unhealthy thing to begin with. I could give you examples as to why but I think it stands to reason it feeds a unhealthy place sexually that takes away from your walk with God.
I think you want to feed healthy places by turning to God and any unhealthy emotional places you should give to him. As who better to help you with this then God?
As for masturbation...I can say this much it can be addictive. But then anything on this planet can be addictive. What I can say is limiting this can be beneficial but I do not think it is sinful. There is no where in the bible that states it is a "sin". But as I said above addictions of any kind can be sinful and even this can be addictive. So I believe limiting...and if that doesn't work then stopping might be what you need.
Ultimately all we do should be to better our walk with God. I think we cannot look to an easy fix on desire as it is not easy by any means. This journey with God is more important to me than anything this world has to offer. So I implore you to sit with God and pray and read the bible.
I believe working on Healthy boundaries with other people is very much a positive aspect to helping with your walk with God.
What I always say is: Is this for me with my walk with God? Will this help me grow closer to God? And if it doesn't then I pray to God to help me with it as I'm not strong enough alone to combat whatever it is. And I ask God to give me clarity and to help me so that I can serve him first before anything in me or this world.
I don't know if this is exactly what you were looking for but it is the best I can offer from my own personal experience with my walk with God. I wish you the best in your walk and support you praying on this as well.
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