Member Since: April 12, 2009
Answers: 1
Last Update: April 12, 2009
Visitors: 571
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I'm 16 and I too have same problem. I have only just discovered this page. The resemblances with what other people have written and myself are practically identical. If I could I think I would be amazed.
I became aware of this problem about two years ago when my grandmother died. I didn't feel anything at all. It was the first event in my life where I should have been overcome with emotion. I have never had any other truly emotional moments in my life. I found it strange that I wasn't sad or even angry, just nothing. I set to work trying to analyse what was wrong until I eventually realised what was staring at me in the face: I didn't feel any emotions at all and hadn't done so for some time.
I remember when I was about 8 I was quick to anger and frustration, I'm not sure I can remember ever being happy. Since then I haven't felt anything, I learnt to control my anger and all my emotions went with it. It's possible that anger was the only emotion I have ever felt, and it made up for the lack of everything else. Every moment I live behind a mask, I laugh when someone says a funny joke or sneer at the appropriate times at a person who has just said a crap one. I understand humour, what is and what isn't generally considered to be funny, but It does not make me happy. I think I still care about some things such as social status. I'm not afraid of losing my friends, it would just be inconvienient.
I don't really like anyone and I certainly don't love anyone (not even my family), but I don't hate anyone either.
I got hit by some guys a couple of months ago and they stole my mobile. I wasn't angry, I did not regret the loss of my mobile, I didn't feel any hate towards the ones who hit me, just nothing. One of them hit me on the side of my face, I didn't feel any pain. I felt that it hurt but it was as if my body was hurt and not me. I didn't hit him back because I didn't want all the others to hit me.
Everything is cause consequence action reaction and completly empty. The only time I really feel anything is when I solve a complex equation or write a complex program.
I also feel different when I'm high. It's not real emotion but more like an articficial emotion.
I think that maybe because I understand what emotions and feelings are, they lose their importance and become irrelevant.
I do not understand music, I even have an Ipod but I never listen to it when i'm on my own.
I think from what the other people who have answered have written, there could be a relation between intelligence and this condition. My personal IQ is 147. Maybe the fact that you understand emotion means you lose it.
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