Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Occupation: Writer?
Age: 27
Member Since: July 19, 2007
Answers: 8
Last Update: September 5, 2007
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well this kid i really like, he knows i like him now, and he said he cant date until college, a year from now. but he said he wants to get to know me and thinks im attractive and nice or soemthing so..what do i do? (link)
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Hello, sorry for your dilemma.
I'm curious about something. It's a little unusual for a 17 year old (I assume) boy to be unwilling to date a girl he likes because he's waiting for college. This takes a lot of resolve and discipline. But what I'm wondering is, are there religious reasons for the decision? Is he following his parent's desires? Or is it a personal decision that he has independently come to and feels it's the best thing for him?
If it's the third reason then good for him, that's a sign of a healthy, independent and strong person. If it's one of the other two reasons, that's okay, but consider that these influences obviously have a huge impact on his decisions and that if you get into a relationship with him these same influences will definitely be a factor; ie what if the parents or religion don't approve of something important to you? He's already willing to sacrifice to conform, he might expect you to be willing also. Maybe find out a bit about what his expectations of you might be just to be safe.
IF you are okay with that (hopefully because you are in agreement with what the powers that be approve of), then there are two more questions. First of all, would it be appropriate to attempt to draw a person into a relationship when he has made a strong point of not wanting to? If it's for religious reasons then to influence his relationship choices is to question his entire belief system.
If it's for family reasons, then it might be okay IF he's already feeling like he wants to push those boundaries, and if he's prepared to face the conflict that would likely arise.
If he's made the choice as an individual deliberately doing what he believes is best, then I'd say it's open for discussion. If he's following his own values then he's free to reevaluate them. In this case it would be good to talk to him about how he's come to the conclusion to wait, ask lots of questions, and put forward your own thoughts (in a friendly, genuinely interested, and non-confrontational manner over time).
Assuming at this point that you are okay with why he's waiting and the influences involved, then you'll have to decide whether you put your energy into a relationship with him, which may take up to a year to bear fruit (assuming it does eventually work out), or if it's better to invest in someone who's available now. If you're 17 that's a pretty big decision because your last year in highschool can be a lot of fun and you might not want to limit your choices, especially when you're not getting what you want out of it. However if he's just that good and you really want to go for it (again assuming you're comfortable why he's waiting, and you don't feel you'd be doing harm by potientially influencing that), then you could give it a try.
If you do go for it then I'd have a couple of suggestions. Become good friends in that time, hang out, get to know eachother, have fun and all that. At least you can get some enjoyment out of the friendship while you're waiting. If it's going to work out then you'll have that as a great foundation for the relationship, if it doesn't work out you'll still have a friend.
However I wouldn't necessarily put all my eggs in that basket; if you meet someone else that interests you, feel free to pursue it. Just because he wants to wait doesn't mean he can expect you to, and if you do meet someone it doesn't mean that, if you're free again Hello, sorry for your dilemma.
I'm curious about something. It's a little unusual for a 17 year old (I assume) boy to be unwilling to date a girl he likes because he's waiting for college. This take a lot of resolve and discipline. But what I'm wondering is, are there religious reasons for the decision? Is he following his parent's desires? Or is it a personal decision that he has independently come to and feels it's the best thing for him?
If it's the third reason then good for him, that's a sign of a healthy, independent and strong person. If it's one of the other two reasons, that's okay, but consider that these influences obviously have a huge impact on his decisions and that if you get into a relationship with him these influences will definitely be a factor; ie what if the parents or religion don't approve of something important to you?
IF you are okay with that (hopefully because you are in agreement with what the powers that be approve of), then there are two more questions. First of all, would it be appropriate to attempt to draw a person into a relationship when he has made a strong point of not wanting to? If it's for religious reasons then to influence his relationship choices is to question his entire belief system.
If it's for family reasons, then it might be okay IF he's already feeling like he wants to push those boundaries, and if he's prepared to face the conflict that would likely arise. If he's made the choice as an individual deliberately doing what he believes is best, then I'd say it's open for discussion.
If he's following his own values then he's free to reevaluate them. In this case it would be good to talk to him about how he's come to the conclusion to wait, ask lots of questions, and put forward your own thoughts (in a friendly, genuinely interested, and non-confrontational manner).
Assuming at this point that you are okay with why he's waiting and the influences involved, then you'll have to decide whether you put your energy into a relationship with him, which may take up to a year to bear fruit (assuming it does eventually work out), or if it's better to invest in someone who's available now. If you're 17 that's a pretty big decision because your last year in highschool can be a lot of fun and you might not want to limit your choices, especially when you're not getting what you want out of it. However if he's just that good and you really want to go for it (again assuming you're comfortable why he's waiting, and you don't feel you'd be doing harm by potientially influencing that), then you could try and go for it. If you do go for it then I'd have a couple of suggestions. Become good friends in that time, hang out, get to know eachother and all that. At least you can get some enjoyment out of that while you're waiting. If it's going to work out then you'll have that as a great foundation for the relationship, if it doesn't work out you'll still have a friend. However I wouldn't put all my eggs in that basket; if you meet someone else that interests you, feel free to pursue it. Just because he wants to wait doesn't mean he can expect you to; and if you do meet someone it doesn't mean that, if you're free again when he's willing, you can't still go out with him.
Most importantly though, have a great year no matter what, and if this one's not the one, there are many many more you haven't met yet.
Good luck!
Girlaboutglobe
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I have had my period for around 8 months, and have only used tampons a couple of times. I am a really light bleeder, so i use tampax pearl light. the problem is whenever i take my tampon out it hurts SO bad that it usually takes me 15 minutes to get it out. && also i leave it in for about 10 hours, and this still happens. The tampon is usually about half full or more. I wouldn't use them except I am going to vacation next week to the beach, and I am going to HAVE to use them. How can I make it STOP hurting? :( (link)
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Hey there, it's important not to leave them in for more than 8 hours, it can lead to infections. As for the pain (assuming we're talking about pain due to friction as the tampon slides out), go to your local drug store and get a bottle of "KY jelly" personal lubricant. It's inexpensive and available over the counter. Before you remove your tampon, squeeze a bit of jelly on to your finger, insert it and rub it on the inside of the vaginal wall as far in as you can reach and around the opening. This will not only reduce friction, but will also protect the delicate skin as the tampon passes. If inserting the tampon is also painful you can use the jelly in the same way for this also. KY Jelly is water soluble and harmless, it will wash off in the shower.
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are there any risks, or disadvantages to shaving your pubic hair {if ur a female}? (link)
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Hello,
I've tried both, shaving is a bit dodgy, especially the higher up parts which are quite prone to razor burn. The labia tend not to get razor burned, but are more awkward to shave because you can't really see what you're doing and it's tough to position the razor, so you risk cuts.
A professional wax job is recommended, DO NOT DO A HOME WAX (trust me). A professional wax isn't too bad, I mean it hurts like hell, but it's over really quick.
Other than the pain there are no huge disadvantages. The purpose of pubic hair in both males and females is to hold the scent of secretions in that area which in theory help to attract a mate. Culturally (in the Western world anyway) this has somewhat lost it's appeal, so there isn't really anything to lose. Pubic hair actually increases bacteria in the region, rather than reducing it, by increasing the surface area on which they can grow and feed on nutritions vaginal secretions. It is however possible to get a skin infection should you not take good care of the exposed pores after shaving or waxing (it takes a few days for them to heal). Make sure to keep the area clean and dry (never use antibacterial soap there unless you're "itching" for a yeast infection), and after the redness goes away use a loofah on the area when you wash. This is especially important when the new hair growth begins to break the surface of the skin, regular use of a loofah will help the hairs to breech properly and will prevent ingrown hairs.
Also, expect that the new hair growth, when it's still very short, will be quite sharp and prickly.
The advantages are it's cleaner and it increases the sensitivity of the area to pleasure.
It's up to you, but good luck!
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i dont understand bjs. im immature i guess but why put your mouth where the other person pees? its kind of weird. (link)
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As far as my experience goes, oral sex is pretty standard run-of-the-mill stuff. It can be really pleasurable for both sexes. If both people have recently showered it's really not that dirty. Urine does not contain bacteria, it's perfectly safe provided that STDs aren't involved. Also yeast infections can spread this way, but under normal healthy circumstances there's really nothing to worry about. I'm female, so I can't vouch for the experience of going down on a lady, but "giving a bj" is pretty simple. There are different techniques, but basically you can suck on it much like you would a popsicle, or lick the shaft, or whatever. It's up to the person giving it, but it is a really effective form of foreplay. With a respectful partner who lets a girl take time to warm up to the idea there shouldn't be any trouble. A person should just go at whatever pace they feel comfortable with, and if they decide they don't like it then that's okay too.
Question answered?
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PLEASE HELP! ok so i began a birth control pill about two years ago...within three months i ballooned 15 pounds bigger (my breasts swelled, my stomach swelled it was not fun) i went off it and i havent had my period since! i also now have recently gotten a problem where all of a sudden i feel like ive sat in something but really some kind of watery liquid has gushed all over my underwear...its like water but its A LOT i dont know where it comes from!!! Anyways, so now i have decided i need to start taking a Birth control pill again so i can have kids someday...i have been taking this new pill for a week and already my face has COMPLETELY breaking out (never had a problem with acne) and i am an emotional WRECK (again, not usually a problem) PLEASE HELP!!!!!
1. please dont answer this question with "you need to give the pill time to work" because OBVIOUSLY it had worked to the point where it ruined my body
2. my geinocologist is a complete idiot and is disregarding my whole problem because clearly she does not care! someone please, even if you might think you know what is going on it would help!!
thank you so much! (link)
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Hi, yeah it's really not okay to have a gynecologist that you don't trust or like, there's a real big difference between a good doctor and a crummy one. Usually better to look for a lady doctor in that area of specialty if possible.
Also, take heart, there are loads of different kinds of birthcontrol these days. It sounds like you react particularly badly to the pill, you might have more success with depo-provera or the patch, there are also IUDs and diaphragms, etc, etc... Don't settle for one that has those kind of side effects, get yourself a good doctor and explore your options under her supervision.
Good luck!
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Ok I really dont like bugs. I hate them, I wish they didnt exist. When I see a bug I panic and run and scream. I feel so stressed and sad when I see a bug. I feel like Im gunna cry and I feel dirty like I need to take a shower. bugs are like my greatest fear i think. in fact right now im on the computer because there is a bug in my room and im not even sure if its in there any more but im not goin back in. Everyone else is asleep, my dad is out and the living is too dark for me to sleep there and for all i know the bug could be there. Ive been up for two hours now trying to avoid this bug. I havent gone to sleep at all yet. Im so tired that im literally seeing things. I really want to lay down in my comfy bed, but i cant explain how afraid i am to step in there and possibly see that bug again. It took a lot from me to do that the first time, becuase I seen it and didnt kill it and a few minutes later i eventually slowly dimmed the lights till it was off and went to lay down again but sat up the whole time nervous. I seen it again and ran out the room and havnt gone back since. Your probably laughing but I just have this feeling of extreme scaredness or w/e and like I just cant do it because Im going to cry. What should I do now and in the future when it comes to bugs ? (link)
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Hi, sorry to hear you're feeling so "bugged".
I think the other answers you've gotten are bang on for tonight, but I think it'd be a good thing if you could be free of your bug fears once and for all. They're pretty hard to avoid, I mean they really are everywhere. I'm visiting Thailand and let me tell ya there's no way you could come and see this beautiful and amazing country (and many other wonderful places) if you were terrified of bugs. So unless you would honestly enjoy living some place cold enough that you won't come into contact with them, it'd be a really good idea to at least get to the point where you can tolerate them.
I suggest that you spend some time learning about bugs. Get on the internet and do a bit of casual reading about what they eat, how they live, how they reproduce, look at pictures of them. This will help you to see them for what they really are, rather than some scary monster; and it will give your mind a chance to get comfortable with the idea of them without you actually having to be near any. Once you can do this without feeling too uncomfortable you'll have made a lot of progress. Also when you see a bug it'll give you something other than your fear to think about.
After that I suggest choosing one kind of bug that is common to where you live, the one that seems least horrible to you, maybe a lady bug, or a butterfly, whatever seems least unappealing, to keep as a pet. Get a little aquarium that you can seal nice and tight so that you're certain he can't escape. Get a friend to help you catch one so that you don't have to get too close. Find out what he needs to eat, take care of him and observe him. It will be useful because you will be able to remain entirely in control of the situation with your "trial bug", which will hopefully give you more of a sense of control with other insects too. You will see how predictable and mundane they really are. After awhile you'll see that bugs are just like fish or birds or any other animal, just smaller. There's no mystery to them. And you might be surprised to discover that he makes a rather interesting pet.
Good luck!
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Okay, this is VERY long, and I'm sorry. But I really need some advice, and maybe just some way to have people listen to me.
I'm 16 and live in Canada
When I was about 8, My parents divorced, which ment i would have to move from a small town into a large city. on top of that, my best, and only friend "H" Moved from there to another province very far away. I was really messed up. by age ten i was cutting, but i was always a smart kid, so i did it on placed nobody would see. I never saw "H" for 8 years, but We kept in contact, MSn, Phone, all that sort of stuff. and I missed out on So much. her sweet 16. all her hard breakups. we never had nights of crashing on each others couchs, throwing food into each others mouths. and I always felt like "I should be there, this is'nt fair!" But our friendship Did grow, because of it's trials, and eventually I stopped cutting. Now, I'm sixteen. I serve as the "advice man" for my group of friends. So to me, That means i'm not allowed to cry, or want to be held or loved, I just need to give to them,and help them. because if I'm weak. Then they can't depend on me anymore, I'm not strong enough, and they need me to be there. Cause alot of them have some REAL issues. But that means when I need help, or need to cry. I have noone, and i feel weak doing it. like i failed them all. Last fall, i tried to kill Myself. Over dosed on Pain Killers. one of my friends came to the hospital, left saying "i'm hungry, don't wanna stay here" and another(the only one who came and stayed) talked about her weekend and how her neck hurt, without really seeming to notice that i had just tried to end my life. she said she knew i was'nt oaky that day.. adn i wondered 'well, if you knew everything was'nt okay, why did you leave me alone?"
One of my friends has a drug problem and severe depression.she calls me her guardian angel because of all i do for her. yet often, when I try to help, she just goes back into it, because she wanted to try a new drug. as if nothing i did for her had mattered.
As a birthday gift, my dad bought my tickets to go see "H" and i spent a week there. i had a great time. but H has had a rough life. after she moved, she developed a strong distaste for human physical contact. while I, growing up afraid of losing the things I cared for, grew to show my care for them through alot of physical contact. so while i was there, I made her a bit uncomfortable(unintentionally), and i'm really afraid I hurt her enough that she does'nt want me to come again. I wish I could let her know I never did anything trying to her her, Only trying to show that she means the entire world to me, and I would have never lasted this long without her, but she's withdrawn and i'm afraid our friendship is ruined. I feel worthless, because I'm so used to having her there, and knowing what goodbye means this time, That I am going through heck. I'm afraid i'll never see her again. and I miss her so much, cause she's gotton me through the worst times in my life, and I love her. I woke up to her watching me sleep this morning, and tonightr i sleep thousands of miles away from her
I have feelings for "h" beyond friendship, but she has a BF, and I know it would be wrong to act on them. but It hurts alot because i have them and wish i could just show her and she'd feel the same. and I know thats wrong, and i feel it's betraying our 10 year long friendship.
I'm the oldest of four boys, so alot of the pressure is put on me.i'm the "good one" the one that'll go to university, all that stuff. and I really dunno if I can do it.
and worst of all. I feel I'm in the wrong Body. that I should be a woman. and I don't ruhs into this, I've spend the last coupel years learning about this since i realized what i had been feeling happens to others, and there was even treatment. but i'm afraid of my parents reaction, if "H" could ever care for me as a woman, if i'm wrong, I transition, and then I realize it. and worse, I know the only thing keeping me Back is me, because, without that fear, I might have already done it. I'm my own worst enemy. mayeb that just i really care about this, because if i did'nt i would'nt be afraid
To sum up what I need advice on:
What do i do to ease this pain of leaving "H"(i've been crying all day), not feel so bad about betraying her friendship(deal with loving her, without it hurting, knowing i'll never be with her)
How can I learn to help my friends, but also let myself need their help sometimes?
How can I talk to my parents about how i'm going to transition, even if they don't like it?
And generally, I think i just need some cheering up, and some way to feel like i'm cared for, and that who i am matters, that people still care about me and I am loved as well?
Please Help me, I'm at my wits end, and I don't know what to do.
Solemnstar (link)
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Hey Solemnstar,
Your story's definitely a rocky one. I think the other answer's pretty solid, but I'd add a thing or two.
I too have difficulty opening up to people, it's not easy for me to cry in front of others and I am much more comfortable helping them with their problems than accepting help from them. I learned why that was the case through visiting a councellor, which was a really positive experience. The point is it was too difficult for me to suddenly be really open and emotional with others, I had to start out slowly. I started by being honest about my struggles (but still not crying or becoming emotional) with family and friends, and then chose just one person that I could be safe showing my emotions to. Once you get used to the feeling of doing it, and see that people react with a lot of support, it'll be easier to open up to more people over time. You don't have to jump in all at once, taking it slow is probably a safer bet.
Adding to that, I noticed that you were disappointed by your friends reactions to your suicide attempt. Their reactions were very natural and normal. They obviously care about you, but had no idea what they were supposed to say or how to help. When that happens people become uncomfortable and helpless feeling and react with avoidance and distancing. It's not at all a reflection of how they feel about you.
If you want care and attention from the ones you love the most, the only way to get it is to let them in. I'm sure they want to support you and give you affection, but it's really difficult for them to do it if you don't let them in (they won't know what you need) or if you overwhelm them with self-mutilation, suicide attempts, or extreme emotional outbursts (which frightens them and clouds their judgement). Ease into it and see what happens.
I get the sense from what you've written that you are suffering from the normal misconception of what relationships can do. The reason that your advice and help to some of your friends doesn't always actually help is because you're neither capable of nor responsible for fixing their problems, only they can do that. What a friend, boyfriend, or girlfriend CAN do is to be there to listen to them, encourage them, and let them know theý are not alone. If you can do that for someone then you've done the best you can. The rest is entirely up to them, no exceptions. It sounds crummy, but it's the way it's supposed to be. People have to be able to take care of themselves and not give that responsibility away to others.
Similarly with "H", even if she were available and you two started going out, there wouldn't be much she could do to help you out with your situation other than being there to listen, and it sounds like she already is. Very little would actually change, you'd just have the benefit of the brief rush of excitement that accompanies getting the girl you like. Now this is the tricky part, it's probably for the best that nothing has happened between you two yet. When people get into relationships while they are depressed it puts a lot of strain on the couple and usually condemns the relationship to failure. When you are feeling as down as you seem to be, it's a clear sign that you need to put your energy into yourself rather than into others and into new relationships. If you really love H, the best thing you can do is to loop her in and be honest about what you are going through and about the transition, and to get healthy emotionally so that if she's ever ready to give it a shot you are actually able to make the most of it. The good news is that if she's 16 she's not likely to marry this current bf, so you may yet have a chance. You guys have been close for a long time, I'm sure she's not ready to cut you off just because she felt uncomfortable during your visit. I highly recommend that you don't let the situation simmer. Be proactive, call her and tell her that you sensed that maybe she was a bit uncomfortable and that you'd like to talk about it. If in fact you did make her uncomfortable (it's possible that's not the cause), appologize readily. Considering what you've been through lately and your close friendship, I'd say there's no chance she's going to hold it against you. Silence is your enemy though, so don't wait. If you are honest and open with her, and work hard to be your very healthiest you might just get a chance to make things work.
I knew a very young transgender boy once, knew he wanted to be a girl since he was a toddler. One of the things he had to do before going on the hormone therapy was to live as a girl for at least one year, 24-7-365. 100% as a girl, all the time. It's the only way to know for sure if you want that life and if you will be able to manage the reactions of family and friends. Of course you'll need to discuss your feelings with your parents first, but before you start taking hormones and go under the knife, such a test is a safe bet before the changes are permanent.
And it's just my personal experience, but a good councellor who you really trust can be an enormous asset if you let it be.
Really good luck to you, you sound like a brave guy, just don't be more brave than is good for you, eh?
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this is a really awkward question... but what are ways for girls to masterbate? (link)
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You can either stimulate your vagina, focus on the clitoris, or both. You'll discover what you like as you go along.
Based on experience, I'd recommend a nice little vibrator. Nothing huge or intimidating, just your standard "pocket rocket". That'll give you a chance to explore where you like to be stimulated. They're really easy to use and work well with other "toys" if you decide to add any others to the arsenal ;).
If you're totally uncomfortable or are too young to make a purchase at a sex toy shop, a simple and very pleasurable way to stimulate the clitoris is to use the bathtub. If you have a detachable shower head that's the best, just point and spray, yoú'll figure out where to direct the spray pretty quick. If a detachable shower head is not available, just turn on the faucet to a light or medium flow (not too cold and DEFINITELY not too hot), lie on your back and slide your hips down toward toward the stream. You can adjust your position, the temperature, and the intensity to whatever you like.
To stimulate the vagina, you can use whatever you think looks interesting, just make sure it's clean and fairly smooth.
Good luck!
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