Member Since: March 19, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: March 20, 2012
Visitors: 512
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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Saying I am just like you would be an over statement, but I can somewhat relate. I am pretty young, but old enough to be on here, and also desperate for help. I have multiple things that I can list to you; if you wish to read it.
-One.) I no longer feel the motivational pull I had used to feel towards working on homework and hanging with friends for a good time.
-Two.) I live in my own fairytail. One you could say is filled with Anime characters, music, fake people, and multiple personalities.
-Three.) I constantly relive older memories that bring me old feelings, but for a brief moment or two. After that it leaves me feeling pretty damn sad. I don't count that as an emotion, it usually lasts for a few seconds anyways.
-Four.) My friend had just told me that she could have a deadly disease. Is it, perhaps, cruel? to feel no sympathy or remorse? I really want to feel something for her, but I just can't.
It's just a numb feeling...? What kind of thing am I experiencing along with everyone else on this site?
-Five.)Most of my feelings are fake, I don't want people to worry for me, maybe its because I'd rather suffer alone, I don't want anyones sympathy since It'd hurt them (my friends) more than me I think.
Not even the two people I revealed this information too could understand, but I've found this site and I understand that I'm not alone in this world. I submit my thanks, and I hope all of us can relate, although I can't seem to grasp any understanding.
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