Member Since: May 20, 2018
Answers: 2
Last Update: May 20, 2018
Visitors: 604
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Hello, I’m 23/f and my boyfriend is 25. Next month is our three year anniversary so after this whole thing is done, I really would prefer to not see “just break up with him,” that may be what it comes down to but I would like to hear other options and others opinions which is why I’m coming here.
About 10 years ago, I found weed in my dad’s dresser. I know to some people, weed wouldn’t be that big of a deal but I was young and it killed me - the man I look up to, the best man I knew smoked weed. Ever since then, I haven’t been as close to him. I was always daddy’s little girl, I was with him all the time and now I just can’t respect him that much anymore. I’ve seen him lie to my mom about smoking it, I’ve watched my mom tell him she wants him to quit and he told her no he won’t, in so many situations choosing a drug over my mom every single time. He told my mom he would never get a pen, he said they’re filled with so many chemicals but just a couple weeks ago, he got one because he said it blends in better and he whips it out and does it in public all the time now, in the middle of dinner sitting at a table in a restaurant, at the beach, at concerts. This last winter, he was at a friends house and right before they were going to leave, he stayed back to smoke and told my mom he’d be out in a minute, leaving my mom to walk down this long icy driveway by herself, she fell and twisted her ankle and he was inside getting high not caring about a single thing. I’ve rode in the car with him many times to only come home and find out that he’s had paraphernalia in the car and he would just joke about it like “oh well at least we didn’t get pulled over.” I’ve watched him smoke up so much and then just sit around and do nothing while my mom and I clean the house and make dinner. My mom just told me the other day that on my brother’s very first Halloween, he smoked up and told her he couldnt go out trick or treating and left my mom to do it all on her own.
My 26 year old brother smokes as well. My father buys off of him and they do it together all the time and I think that is so wrong. We’ll be at family functions and they’ll be missing from the party and my mom would have to lie on their behalf because nobody else in the family knows that they do it.
Now, my mom, dad, brother, his girlfriend, my boyfriend and I were all away in the mountains this weekend. I first got upset with my boyfriend because we were driving out to get breakfast and my brother asked if anyone wanted a beer for the ride (mind you that my cabin is in the middle of nowhere, there are no neighbors for miles and the only police are state police but since we are right on the border, police don’t come to our side) but my boyfriend said he wanted a beer anyway and he was driving and even though we were in the middle of
nowhere, I still thought that was stupid, it felt to me like he was trying to impress my brother. I told him I’d drive to make the situation a little better and he refused, I asked many many times and he would not let me drive.
Fast forward a couple hours and I could tell he was in a bad mood. I pulled him aside to ask what was up since I forgave and forgot and even apologized for how I handled the previous situation, so I didn’t think he’d still be mad about that. He said he wants to smoke but he knows I’d be mad about it. So I got upset that weed was kind of taking precidence, he was in a bad mood because I “wouldn’t let him” smoke but if I did, he would be happy as a clam. He used to smoke very heavily in high school and quit for three years so that’s where his, I guess, desire is coming from. He brought it up before but I can’t express to him enough how much I hate it. He says I’m being biased since my dad gave me such a poor view of it and I will admit that my dad doing it is a part of it. But I also hate the smell. He’s on a no carb diet so I hate that his will power is strong enough to not eat carbs but it’s not enough to not want to smoke and when he does smoke, he eats so that diet goes to shit anyway. It’s not even like he hasn’t at all since we started dating, he went to Oregon with friends and I was fine with it then since it was legal there a while ago. He does sometimes when we have friends over or, even though it infuriates me, with my dad. We went to Jamaica and I was also fine with him doing it there. But now it’s like, he just keeps wanting more. During this argument this weekend, he told me it would be nice to be able to smoke after a bad day at work, which is honestly more times than not. So he went from wanting to do it on special occasions, to wanting to do it a little more just for fun on weekends, to wanting to do it during the week. It also really pains me when I can tell sometimes that he’s in a bad mood and he doesn’t talk to me about it. I have to drag it out of him sometimes and other times he just “doesn’t want to burden me” so he doesn’t tell me anything at all. So when he had a bad day at work, it isn’t good enough that he can come home to talk to me, he needs to smoke weed and that’ll make it all better. I’ve even noticed the times that he has done it that he gets quiet so why is it fair that he can do what he wants, as he said, to make his quality of life better, but I have to suffer? I know that relationships are compromise and I feel like I’m doing my part on that front by letting him do it on special and fun occasions but I honestly refuse to be my mom who hates it but sits back and accepts it because she knows that my dad doesn’t love and respect her enough to stop and while that’s the case, she continues to lie for him while he’s out doing it to cover for him.
I’m just the kind of person, I always have been, that believes people do not need things to escape their life or make it better. It actually really hurt me that he told me Jamaica was fun but the weed made it better, not that being there with me made it better or the memories we made together made it better. So many people would kill to go somewhere as beautiful as Jamaica, without anything to make it better or alter it in any way. I just firmly believe that if there is something wrong, you should fix it the natural way, go for a run, work out, talk to someone, not use a drug and then mask what the problem is. I need to do things i don’t like sometimes and I need to endure the same family that my dad and brother do but I don’t go out and smoke up to make it all seem better or tolerable. I will never forget when I got tickets with my parents to see a band that I’ve been obsessed with for five years prior, it was the best time of my life until I turned around to sing my dad and I’s favorite song along with the band and he was right behind me smoking a bowl Ike the show wasn’t good enough for him until he was high.
I guess I just need someone to tell me if I’m overreacting or something, I don’t know. I just need some thoughts, am I not being fair? Should I let him and be okay with it? Any advice is appreciated. (link)
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Such people will not follow any advices. No one can stop from doing it. It depends on what kind of weed he smokes and how often. Nowadays lots of people do that.
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so me an my boyfriend are long distance and so this week i said i wanted a break so it started Tuesday night so i texted him Thursday and said it felt like night days and that i miss him then he said your one crazy bitch that took me by shock like i feel its messed up but i also love him to death but should i leave him (link)
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You'd better break up with him. If he don't respect you now it will not change then
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