Member Since: May 8, 2011
Answers: 1
Last Update: May 8, 2011
Visitors: 572
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I am frankly amazed that there are so many other people out there that feel (or don't) like this.
I'm 26/F and I know exactly when this started, I was 13. I would look in the mirror and practice smiling and frowning, I would observe people to see how they reacted to situations so I could mimic them. I have been called cold, heartless, overly logical, unfeeling, etc etc. I never thought it was a shortcoming in particularly. I just don't feel empathy/sympathy for other people. Now though I am beginning to wonder if there IS something wrong with me.
I don't understand how people can have relationships, or get close to one another without feeling some sort of disgust or annoyance like I do. I don't understand how they can all be so happy when they live in a world that is so obviously dying. I don't understand how they can mourn people who die because those people have been absolved of all their duties and no longer have to think about anything. I just don't get it.
I don't remember the last time I really felt anything at all. I became a master at simulating emotion so as to fit in with the infamous majority. I can fake anything I want with a level of believability that is so high it is almost always viewed as sincere. There is only 1 person who is fully aware that I only simulate emotions, and that is because he does the same thing.
I used to want to feel something, anything. Now, I don't know. It seems to be a hindrance to most people. I don't have the desire to hurt anyone, though I used to, I now have a high level of apathy towards other people. They just don't matter and don't seem to realize it.
My lack of emotion hasn't ever hindered me in any way, to the contrary, it has helped me. Not being bogged down by emotional responses to outside stimuli I have become able to assess any given situation using logic and objectivity, I have learned to focus my intelligence on learning rather than on useless emotions that lead nowhere. I cannot say, with any amount of sincerity, that I would want to change myself.
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