Member Since: August 13, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: August 13, 2012
Visitors: 286
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For some reason, things that my husband says or does make me so irritated and angry I end up saying mean things to him. He is very negative and says things that aggravate me, but I know that I overract and need to control my temper. For example, we were watching a kid's talent show that I really enjoy, and every time I try to watch it with him, he makes snide remarks about the kids and their parents. He seems to disaprove of children competing in a talent contest and parents encouraging their talents. I ended up getting angry the last time this happened (just recently). I turned off the show and told him he was being idiotic and there nothing wrong with children having a talent and pursuing it. He kept on calling it "child abuse" because a little boy was out of breath after playing the drums on the show, and making a big deal out of the fact that he was "only 5 years old." So what? I told him a lot of famous musicians and athletes started at young ages, and it's not child abuse if they enjoy what they are doing. I think he is very narrow-minded about this subject and other things as well and it leads to some heated arguments, mostly on my part because I think I explain my point of view much more clearly than he does and he tends to just repeat the same things over and over. It wasn't till much later in the argument that he said he disaproved of the music that the boy was drumming to because it was heavy metal and had strange lyrics. I said that you can't even make out the lyrics in the songs and even if you could, I doubt that a five-year old would understand them. Besides, he listens to this music too. This led to an argument that there shouldn't be music that you can't play in front of your kids. I believe all music should have clean lyrics. He said why don't we go further and have only g-rated t.v. and movies? I said that it is easier to control t.v. and movies. You can block out channels you don't want kids to watch, but you can't do anything about people in other cars blaring their obnoxous music with vulgar lyrics when your kids are in the car with you. I know I have strong opinions, and some of you probably don't agree with me, but I can't help how I feel. I guess I need to learn how to express my opinions without hurting my husband. I love him, I just don't always agree with him. Does anyone have any advice? I know I've been judgemental and already feel bad about it, so try not to make me feel worse. Thanks. (link)
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Does your husband realize that when he insults the show you're watching, he is indirectly insulting your taste? That's probably a big reason you get upset. You should remind him that you feel hurt by this, and tell him to remember that your taste led you to him as well.
Every couple will have differing opinions on things. Personally I agree you should push kids to do things they enjoy, even if its tough sometimes. However your husband's reaction makes me think maybe he was pushed too much as a kid, and this is a sore issue for him. Perhaps the opposite, not being pushed enough and he takes your opinion as an insult to his childhood. Show a little compassion and agree to disagree. When it comes to your own kids, make sure if they want to do something, they ask daddy first because "mommy doesn't want me to push myself too hard". It's a good script, will show him that not only do you respect his decision, but that the kids really do want this for themselves.
As for the music issue, I actually agree with him. Your kids will eventually hear everything there is to hear. They will say all the bad words and phrases you don't want them to even hear now. It's better to talk to your kids about what they hear when they are young and you're still right about everything. When they hear it later in life, they already have an idea in their heads that they can make their own opinions on everything. Those opinions may not align with yours. Especially if they have never heard your opinion explained logically in the past.
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