Member Since: June 17, 2020
Answers: 1
Last Update: July 14, 2020
Visitors: 524
|
| |
In April, I met this guy on Tinder. I’m 22. He’s 23. He told me he was on the app looking for a friend with benefits. I was looking for a boyfriend. But at the same time I’m not in any rush. He consistently messaged and video chatted for 2 months. After a while he said that he changed his mind. He deleted the app. That he wanted to be my boyfriend in the near future. We finally met in person, went on two amazing dates, then he pressured/guilted me into sex with him on our 3rd date. He said,
“If we both want each other, why aren’t we having sex? You’re playing games. I won’t pressure you to do anything you don’t want to do, but I don’t understand why we can’t have sex. If we stop talking today, I’d have lost a lot of money, which would make me very upset.”
Actually, on that day we first had sex, I was taking some medication that you may have to restart if you’re sexually active on it. I didn’t have health care and I would’ve had to pay out of pocket for more medication and he knew this but didn’t care. This is truly what rubbed me the wrong way. I’m sure he would have paid. But it wasn’t about that. It was the principal, he wanted what he wanted when he wanted it. I made the mistake of giving it to him. Don’t get me wrong. He had my consent and i wanted to do it, I would have been very happy to do so, just maybe a week later when my medication was done.
What makes it strange for me is that the rest of the time he is amazing; opening every door every time, walking closer to the street if we’re on a sidewalk, always driving to me even though I also have a car, punctual, very affectionate, attentive, polite, generous, gentleman, kind, vulnerable (he opened up to me very honestly about his abusive childhood) and all of these wonderful things. Throughout this whole time all that stuff has remained consistent. Also, he mentions the fact that he can see himself marrying me and having 3 kids together and all these sweet things, but it doesn’t feel right... when he says that it’s either as a joke, or when he’s being serious he doesn’t sound sincere at all.
Sometimes he is not respectful of my wishes. If I’m not in the mood, he will continue. He won’t stop the kissing/rubbing of my vagina/breasts/booty the first time I’d say stop, one day I had to say it and push him away 4 times, then I asked to go home. After that day, I made my decision that I will not take him seriously as a boyfriend like he said he wanted. (I didn’t say that to him lol) But i told him I’d like to continue to have sex with him, and now we are sexually exclusive.
We planned a resort for just the two of us July 28-30 and he will have access to my body for 72 hours. obviously what he wants is sex for that whole time. It sounds great. This will be my first experience taking a vacation with a man alone! Despite having been manipulated and pressured into sex I feel completely safe and taken care of with him. I’m not used to being pampered and taken care of like he does for me. He paid for my birth control and he always surprises me with food and gifts and does so many things for me.
Which is also why I felt like I HAD to sleep with him or I was afraid he would have felt used. I grew fond of him before we ever met in person. All the video chats were long and I got to know him pretty well.
But instead, I feel taken advantage of and manipulated. I like this guy enough to keep seeing him, and he wants to be exclusively sleeping with me and in a relationship, but this feels like it’s better off as a sexual thing. Or, maybe even nothing. I feel like he would be abusive and manipulative if we continue as a couple... I’m not sure how i should feel or what i should do.
My question is,
Should I cancel this vacation? I would like to enjoy a sexual relationship with him but the question is, does he deserve it? Or should I continue sleeping with him for my own reasons and benefit, regardless of whether he’s worthy or not? Should I leave him after the vacation if i do go? I enjoy the sex very much. I just don’t enjoy the energy he puts around it. Like he’s paying his way to my body, and if i don’t do it there’s something wrong with me..... Please help. My head hurts (link)
| |
I would say that if you really enjoy his company then you can go on the trip. However, think about what YOU want in the long run. It seems like he is very attracted to you, but he is just thinking about sex. So he might tell you what you want to hear in order to get it. If you are just having fun and don't want any serious commitment then you can continue to see him. But I think you're looking for a more long-term relationship, and I would say to follow your gut on this one. If he makes you feel uncomfortable about sex then maybe he isn't the right one for you. He does not seem very considerate, and if he wants more with you then he'll have to respect your wishes and desires and not pressure you to have sex even if you don't want to. You don't owe him anything; by paying for your dates and being a gentleman he is giving you what you deserve, and you have a right to end the date with or without sex if you choose to. Just think about what you want out of a relationship. If he is not ready for a relationship, maybe you can move on to someone who wants the same things as you.
|
|