My mission is to help and serve everyone as much as I can. My purpose is to help people with this power vested in me and humbly serve, advise and help persons with their issues as much as I can and as often as I can.
Please to do not hesitate to email me at: denelledphilbert@yahoo.com for follow up advice.
E-mail: denelledphilbert@yahoo.com
Gender: Female
Member Since: May 14, 2020
Answers: 4
Last Update: May 15, 2020
Visitors: 871
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26/f
Almost two years ago, I was living with a guy that I was no longer in love with. Unfortunately, because I left a high paying job because I disliked it and found a job that I enjoyed. The downside was that it was lower pay than I have gotten paid. My thought process was that I had to take a few steps back to take a step closer to where I wanted to be. This was true, because even though my job doesn't pay me as much as I would've wanted, I get a free education and am now earning a Masters in a tech field.
Unfortunately because of the low pay, I stayed in an unhappy relationship. At some point, I had to get out and started researching apartments that were within my price range. A lot of the places that were offered or were looking for roommates did not allow pets (I have two bunnies). And I didn't want to live at home with my parents because it was a toxic household. I refused to put myself in an environment that would effect my mental health.
My sister and her boyfriend helped me and gave me an out. They told me that I could live with them whenever my lease was over. That I could save money and pay less living with them and I didn't have to give up my bunnies. I thanked them and took them up on the offer. It's almost been a year and we recently moved into another apartment complex.
My sister recently went back to my parents house for a little bit because she wanted to save money. During this pandemic she's not sure if she will be able to have a job or not. Her boyfriend wants to buy a house in the near future so he would also like to save money. Just to be clear, my sister makes double the amount of income than I do, and her boyfriend as a software developer makes at least triple the amount as I do. To make matters more clear, they have a fairly codependent relationship. Wherever one person goes, the other goes. Meaning when my sister stayed at my parents house, her boyfriend went with her. They have been coming back here and there and stayed over the weekend and then would head back.
I am now in a different relationship. It hasn't been that long and it's not the healthiest of relationships. My sister messaged me and mentioned that if my boyfriend was going to be over most of the summer, why doesn't he take over her boyfriend's side of the lease? I asked her if it was a joke and she that it wasn't because her boyfriend's work from home was extended to September and he didn't really want to pay for rent and everything else if he wasn't here very often.
I was slightly annoyed because they were the two who had looked for this apartment for all of us. Mine and his name is on the lease. I looked and paid for the movers. And a week after moving in, they wanted to back out of it. I mean, I get it because they want to save money and to buy a house and I am thankful that they had originally taken me in, which is why I'm feeling a mix of guilt and annoyance.
I told my sister that I understand if her boyfriend wants to do that and end the lease, but if he was going to do that, he would have to pay for the fees because I'm not the one who was backing out of it, I told her that I wasn't comfortable committing to a guy for an entire year if we had only been dating for only five months and that I wasn't planning on putting myself in the situation I was a year ago, and that he would have to pay for his own movers. I also mentioned that if they wanted to find a roommate for me, that wasn't my job to find someone to cover for his side of the lease. Last but not least, I said that if he was to cancel, to let me know way ahead of time so I could find another place to live.
They have decided to stay but the fact that she had this conversation with me, I can't help but feel guilty.
Do I even have the right to feel guilty? Should I have said what I said when they took me in? (link)
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You should not be feeling guilty for many reasons:
1)You PAID your way. Yes they found the place but you paid for movers and you paid your share of the lease. You were not some person that was living their under the help and care of them for free. You have every right as much as them to own that apartment.
2)Do not be afraid to stand up for yourself. I am very happy that you stood up for yourself and told your sister what needed to be said. You were well in your right to stand up for yourself as they were about to take advantage of you. KEEP STANDING UP FOR YOURSELF!!
You should not feel guilty about anything. It was plain disrespectful for your sister to not be considerate enough to tell you everything in advance and give you time to find a new roommate so I completely understand everything that you did.
Keep standing up for yourself and demanding the best for yourself.
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I talk to this girl a lot and get along well- and just from speaking to her on Instagram- I've realised we have a lot in common- we even came across each other via the same interest. I'd love to start a relationship with her- issue is, she's in a whole other country (she's American, whereas I'm in the UK), I've never actually personally met her, have spoken to her through Instagram Live though so know what she looks and sounds like (so I know she's not a catfish or anything) and also I thought long-distance relationships have some sort of connection to bad luck. I genuinely think she could be the perfect fit for me though, because:
We both came across each other through the same interest, Strictly Come Dancing (well, the American version, Dancing with the Stars in her case)- and also both having fan accounts for the show.
She's mentioned on a few occasions that she doesn't wear makeup; I also generally prefer natural beauty myself.
We both have quite a bizarre sense of humour.
We're both quite shy and reserved but express ourselves through social media.
She's never dated anyone before- just had crushes
She never really had that many friends either; and scarily coincidentally, her best friend since they were young kids kind of abandoned her too (which is exactly something which happened to me)
We also both think that there are too many idiots on Twitter (e.g. those who generalise certain groups as being evil- we both agree that those tweets could affect the mental health of the groups in question).
We both get nervous easily.
Now, having all of these things in common is just plain strange- I think she could be the perfect fit for me, but am unsure how to start a long distance relationship. Any tips? and also do you think that she'd be a good relationship for me? (link)
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In response to your first question, Tips on starting this are: do not force/rush anything, have a conversation about it with her and place it all in the hypothetical and there you should ask about if she feels ready for a long distance relationship. DO NOT fall victim to the myths that long distance relationships don't work. These relationships can work if there is patience, understanding, love and care for each other. Patience is KEY for this to work especially when the distance gets to you at times. REMEMBER THAT IT TAKES WORK TO MAKE IT WORK!!!
In response to your second question, I think she seems great for you especially since you have so much in common, it's like being in a relationship with your best friend. If it feels great to your gut feelings and instincts then go for it! I wish you the best and a very prosperous relationship.
Sincerely yours,
Denelle xoxo
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For context, I am a girl and I’m sixteen. A few months ago, a guy that I knew started calling me every once in awhile. I didn’t think anything of it because I call my friends all the time and I had not thought of this guy as anything more than that. Let’s call him Cody. After a few weeks of him calling me on the phone, he asked me out. I said yes because I figured I could see what I think of him. Cody ended up being really nice and funny too, so we went out more. The problem is, I don’t know if I like him because I like him or because he likes me. That may sound confusing, but I feel like maybe the fact that Cody likes me makes me like him. I started thinking of this possibility because I still can’t see him as more than a friend after these past months. I don’t feel any different when he walks in the room and I don’t get the kind of butterflies I would want or chemistry in general. It seems like I should end things with him since we I don’t see him in that way, but I don’t want to hurt him. He has become my good friend through this, so I don’t want lose him. Is it better for me to end things since I don’t feel the same connection? And how do I talk to him about it? Thank you for taking your time to read this. (link)
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With regards to liking him because he likes you, an easy way to figure out if you like him is to ask yourself, "Do I like him for him or what he does for me?"
Think about his personality and how you feel about who he is as a person. Think not about the fact that he likes you but focus on him as a person and list what you like about him.
Please understand that love feels or appears different to everyone so that cliché of butterflies may not be the same experience you will have.
Also understand that with no chemistry/understanding/the ability to "click" the future of you both may be in question because you both must have that common ground where you can talk to each other about anything and genuinely connect on any possible level.
With regards to your last two questions...
firstly, if you do not see him as more than a friend you should definitely break it off. Do not hold on to this relationship in the name of "I don't want to lose him," because if he is meant to be in your life he will always be there and you will never worry about him leaving. Secondly do not stay with him in the name of "I don't want to hurt him" because staying out of pity and not because you actually want to be there does more damage than good especially when he finds out/realizes. Thirdly, in terms of speaking to him about it, I advise that you be very respectful of his feelings but also be straight with your point. Be clear on what you feel and exactly what you want to say. He may plead with you but stand your ground and BE HONEST.
Respect him enough to talk to him in person about your issues and also mention that you would like to remain his friend if he permits you. If he decides he cannot remain friends with you then acknowledge his feelings and respect them despite how much you may hurt. If he needs space give it to him as he mends his broken heart.
Sincerely yours,
Denelle xoxo
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This is my first time using this site; II live in Canada. Male. I am just getting over a bad breakup (only 2 days ago) with someone I was and still am in love with. However, a friend of mine has been helping me through this and whenever I talk to him I feel my face heat up a bit and I feel... strange?
I can’t tell if I’m developing feelings for this friend (which seems weird to me seeing as how I still definitely am in love with my ex). Any ideas about my feelings? (link)
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There are many possibilities here. There is a possibility that you are drawn to your friend because he represents that way of hope/light in your situation as he presents himself as a very good and understanding friend. In other words, he is everything that you need at the moment especially at this point in your life. It is okay to feel how you feel but you must also reflect on if the feelings are genuine or because "he's being nice to me." You have to figure out if you like him for who he is or what he does for you. This should be a time of discernment and serious self reflection as you figure out how you really feel. I can't tell you how you feel, because only you will know but what I can advise is that you think through everything. Get in touch with you and your feelings and always trust your gut/instincts.
It is from there you will understand how you truly feel and why you feel how you feel.
And it is important that you know it is okay to feel how you feel.
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