Member Since: March 23, 2010
Answers: 1
Last Update: March 23, 2010
Visitors: 496
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17/F
My boyfriend broke up with me about a week ago because I'm not Christian. We had been dating for about 3 months, but we have been good friends for the last 3-4 years. I worried religion might be a problem before we dated, but he promised me it wouldn't become a factor in our relationship and he respected my beliefs. The first 2 months of our relationship went very well; we were both really happy and loved being with each other. It was after that when things started to change. After going to church one Sunday he told me it bothered him i wasn't christian. Of course i was angry, because he promised me religion wouldn't become a problem. He wanted me to go to church with him, but i refused; I wasn't going to change myself or do something i didn't want to do for a boy. We came to the conclusion that he would have to think about it, but I wasn't going to change for him. I spent that next month worrying about how he was feeling and worrying about him breaking up with me, because he seemed different. But he promised me everything was fine and he had no intention of breaking up.
Finally it happened; initially we wanted to take a break, but it quickly turned into a break up. I was devastated...we were so great together except for the religion part. I felt so deceived and lied to. He told me that "God told him to break up with me". I began to wonder if that was just a copout for him, because maybe he just didn't like me anymore and needed a better excuse. After all, how can anyone argue with God? So now, I feel extremely depressed. I miss him so much...he became my best friend. We were so involved in each others lives. I keep holding out this hope that he will realize he made a mistake and want me back, because i still want to get back together. I only wish that he could find whatever it was that allowed him to be with me regardless of religion in those first 2 months. He recently told me he would get back together with me if i became christian, and that hurts even more because I just can't do that. He also said he still wants to be good friends...but how can I do that when I still have such strong feelings for him? I know i should forget him and move on the way he seems to have moved on, but I'm finding that really difficult. I still love him. What now? (link)
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I can relate to this a lot. I am still unsure of my beliefs but lets go with Atheist Jew. I was dating a really Christian guy for a little over two months. He also broke up with me only a couple of weeks ago. But, for different reasons. However, one of the other people that gave you advice said: Sometimes you won’t always know all the reasons as to why you’ve been dumped. But, besides what you’ve already heard I’ll tell you my views.
My ex-boyfriend had told me all about how is church was. Apparently in his church (and probably others as well) they tell you NOT to date a non-Christian. They go on and on about how their partner will somehow drag them down in the future do to the difference in religion, and to put it simply: They do NOT approve. While we were dating my ex did not go to church for the first two months. He always thought about going back, however he avoided it. (He stopped going prior to dating me anyway) He was so fearful of how his church would react. However, he told me as well that I meant so much to him, and he wouldn’t let it get in the way.
He did end up speaking to people from his church. And they convinced him to go back. He really had wanted to. He even told them about me. And he was surprised to hear that they accepted it, however, not completely okay with it. We did end up breaking up later but church wasn’t even mentioned in my situation. But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a factor, however I doubt it for my case.
My point is, your ex-boyfriend probably got a lot of pressure about not dating a non-Christian as well. However, my personal belief is that if he likes/loves you enough then it really shouldn’t matter what religion you are, or what beliefs you have. You’re seventeen, and I’m assuming your boyfriend was around that age as well. (Or not) But if so, he is still young, and he might not even be sure of how to handle this situation.
I agree in some aspects that you should confront him since you really care about him. It isn’t fair of him to tell you to convert to something that you do not believe in. It would be a lie. And it does show he doesn’t love you as much as he says he may. Tell him that if he really cared for you too, then he wouldn’t need you to do this in order to be together. There ARE many relationships that work out even though they have different beliefs.
However, I also see the other side that you should move on. Due to him thinking he has to choose his religion over you instead of just keeping both. (However, as I said before some churches actually do tell you that you have to choose.) Even if he got back with you, and said “I’m so sorry. I realize I was a complete idiot for dumping you for not believing in the same thing as me.” The thing is that, he thought that way once, and he may always think that way deep down. He may always want to be with someone that shares his beliefs. Someone that would come with him to church. And depending on how his church is, they might tell him constantly to break up with you again. (Unfortunately it may happen. I was shocked to hear that this even does happen.) And the question is, now that he has hurt you, could you really trust him? Could you really trust that he wouldn’t do it again even if you guys got back together?
Another thing I do want to mention is that even though I would probably never convert to anything: While I was dating my ex I actually told him/agreed (I forget which now) that I would be willing to go with him to church a few times. NOT to convert. NOT to pray to Jesus (Whom I do not believe in) HOWEVER, for him to introduce me to everyone. And for me to get to know a part of his life that means a lot to him. Just to show I support that he could believes in whatever he wants to believe in. I’m not saying you should have gone with him all the time. Just a few times a year-very rarely. But the point would just be to show how much you really do care. And if he doesn’t even see that effort that you would try to make, then he really isn’t worth it. At that point just let him believe what he wants. You don’t need to deal with him.
And lastly, It just shows he can’t accept you for who YOU are. A non-Christian. So, with that note you’ll just have to move on. It will be tough, but you can do it. There are other people in the world.
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