Member Since: February 20, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: April 6, 2015
Visitors: 192
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My boyfriend of almost 2 years, would've been two on April 11th, broke up with me about a week and a half ago. He said that he still loves me and cares about me and wants to be with me but he said he needs time to think about his feelings. He said that he has been feeling unhappy for the past couple of months and he feels like he isn't 100% into our relationship as I am and he says that it isn't fair to me. We still talk about every day and we have seen each twice since the break up and we end up having sex when we do see each other. I'm completely confused and heartbroken about the whole thing because he says he loves me but yet he is putting me through all of this pain and he said he is doing it to make "us" work. He said it is very hard to explain and I just want to know what to do. I'm tired of being confused and I'm feeling very depressed because we have talked about getting married within the next year or two. Please Help 23/f. I have dated other guys before him and one was for 2 years and that one ended very bad. I'm just so crushed and confused because I love him so much and don't want to throw away the past two years. (link)
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I had a similar problem with a relationship quite a few years ago. I'm married now with a wonderful man. From my past relationships compared to my marriage, there is a HUGE difference. In your case, I think it's good that he has been honest with you about his true feelings. I believe that does mean he cares about you to show you the respect to be honest with you.
He seems to be confused himself, and may need more time to deal with his feelings. I also think it's good that he's willing to be still a friend to you. From my own experience, I would suggest eliminating the sexual relationship you are still having with him. Continuing to do so can cause more mixed emotions and confusion. If you're both willing, I think it would be wise to just stay friends. That gives you both time to think and work through your true feelings, but without the complication of sex. Another benefit I've learned from having a platonic friendship, is that it could/will strengthen your relationship.
Going through anything like this is always hard, and painful. If you both still want to be in each other's lives, I'd suggest keeping the friendship and seeing where it takes you. Doing this also gives you time to help focus on yourself and healing from the pain this has caused you.
Relationships always take constant work. There will always be hard times along with the good ones. Another thing you may want to think on, is whether you're truly willing to put in the effort it takes to make the relationship work and whether he would be to. Either way, giving yourselves some space and time to think will be helpful. You may even end up deciding (once you've worked through the pain this has caused you) that maybe he might not be the person you want to be with.
And as hard it is, even if it comes to the conclusion the relationship won't work, remember that the time you've put into this relationship with him isn't a waste! Relationships that have come to an end will always teach you something valuable that you can apply to future ones. I sympathize very much for you, and I'm very sorry for the heartbreak of this situation, but from reading your question, I can see you are a very committed, caring young woman that is very strong as well! I wish you the very best of luck!
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