|
|
So Im completly in love with this guy who lives in California. But I live in Iowa. And he loves me. We've always wanted to be together and we've talked everyday for over a year now. Awhile ago he told me he has had suicidal thoughts but said he would never do it cause someone made him believe if he committed suicide he would go to hell. So I didnt worry. Recently we've been getting into a lot of fights due to jealous and stuff. And all of a sudden his suicidal thoughts are back. Once he told me we should talk as friends, and I told him if thats what he wanted then I would agree so I could let him be happy. But then he said he wanted to stop talking to me overall because he said it would be too hard. Then he kept telling me "Its over" "Im done" "Its really over." And I could tell he was talking about his life. I dont get it because Im just going with what he wants? We've been through this so many times but its getting to a point where Im about to crack. I dont know what to do or say to him to keep him to no longer think suicidal when it comes to me it seems like. Please please help.
Yes, this person that you love raises a lot of red flags and he needs a lot of attention. Does he talk about himself a lot? Does he always turn your words against you? Does he twist your words around to make an argument seem like it's your fault?
When you mentioned that he suggested talking as friends one time, and the moment you agreed, he became offended. It sounds as though he expects a lot from you. He expects certain reactions from you that he needs to constantly reassure himself and make himself feel better (he has deep insecurity issues and self esteem problems)which is not healthy in a relationship.
You sound like a very thoughtful and beautiful person, very kind-hearted as well. I know you feel like it's your fault that he is feeling this way and you feel lost and it's because you love him so much. You are also feeling guilt, but you shouldn't. He reminds me of something called an "energy vampire."
I'm not saying he is a bad person or even knows that he is doing this. He probably really believes that he is just a victim, but I am sure his personality is also very stubborn and prideful at the same time. It's a difficult mix to be stubborn, prideful, insecure, with low-self esteem. This causes a person to be posessive and clingy.
If he really wanted to end his life he would have done it by now. It sounds to me he just wants you to constantly reassure him of how much you love him to make him feel good about himself, but you need a relationship that is healthy, happy, with equal give and take. Someone who will listen to you and what is going on in your life too. You need someone who trusts you even if things can get uncomfortable, they don't jump to conclusions, accuse, and overreact. That is not healthy. Sorry I am repeating myself. Good luck, just stay positive, and remember to love yourself first, and then you can love others and see the true path.
[view]
I am 18 and female. I recently split up with my girl friend who i love to peices and we had to finish the relationship cuz she couldnt handle the distance cuz she got told go live with her nan, i dont know if i should fight to keep her or let her go and move on? any suggestions would be greatful
Try to keep in touch with her without overwhelming her and see how things go. Be her friend for now and let her know you will always be there for her. If it's meant to be, you two will come back to each other naturally. If she seems distant, doesn't return phone calls often, then maybe it's time to move on.
But don't jump to conclusions if she doesn't return your call right away sometimes...she could just be busy with her new life, it does not mean she does not care about your feelings. Maybe you should try finding a hobby or a new job that will impress your girl friend. Maybe during that time you will have found a new fulfillment and realize that you are too young with such a bright future to worry about a deep serious relationship when there are so many wonderful things to partake in and learn in life. :)
good luck and everything will work out fine. :)
[view]
| |
