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"The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never say a commonplace thing but burn, burn, burn..."

advice

Ok, I know that I should already have the answer to this. I am wondering Am I being dumb? Am I being played?
My husband of 8 years told me three months ago he had been cheating on me for a year. I was pregnate with our son when he started. Actually he started two weeks before I delivard him. I have kicked him out. Everyone says I should leave him. But he seems to want to come over when the kids are not home to be with me. He has started calling me a lot during the day. He even planned a family trip while are oldest is on spring break. I feel I am getting mixed signals. I know he is still having sex with her. He tells me he still loves me.. I have started not taking his calls, because why should I. I thought I should try and move on. I ended up kissing some guy at a neighbors house, he found out and was really pissed. He went up to the guy and said some not very nice things. I just dont get it. Do I just give up? My heart says see if we can work on it. But my brain says you kicked him out for a reason.. Please help

Mellys

In your case, I would normally say to think long and hard about trying to make it work being that you have 8 years of marriage behind you and a child but if it is true that he is still sleeping with this woman, you need to think about whether or not this shows you he has true remorse for his actions despite what he is saying to you now. If he truely cares for you and the life you've built together, he will put necessary action behind his words to show you that. If he does not, it will happen again.

If you're saying that you know he's still sleeping with her because you are (understandably) suspicious of him then you really need to ask yourself a few questions before you consider making an attempt to work things out. If you take the steps toward reconciliation then you need to realise that there will be work on your part too. You'll need to learn to let go of the hurt and the suspicions to begin on a clean slate. That is the only way it will work and knowing whether or not you are capable of that is the only way you will know whether or not it is a good idea for you to stay.

Let me say that cheating is not as black and white an issue as alot of people would like to believe. There are alot of factors, unique to each relationship, that need to be taken into consideration. We are not perfect and marriage is not easy. It takes alot of work all the time to keep it together. People will make mistakes both big and small in life and everyone has their opinion on which mistakes are unforgivable and which are not. You can get all of the advice in the world but at the end of the day, only you can decide that for yourself.

Keep these things in mind. Either way, it won't be easy so make the decision that will ultimately make you happiest in the long run.

Good luck

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