Member Since: March 27, 2012
Answers: 1
Last Update: March 27, 2012
Visitors: 574
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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I'm 15 years old now and I've been dealing with this since I was about 12, at first it was a very confusing and traumatic, considering I had absolutely no idea what was or had happened to me. I spent hours at night searching the internet for something that I could relate to, a definition, or qualification that could explain to me my issues. I found this website and webpage after about 5 months of being personally diagnosed, it gave me great relief to realize there are others out there who feel, or don't feel, my "pain". And after living with this for 3 years I would like to tell at lease part of my story. My condition has not changed since it began, I still go though out my life with the condition that I can only relate to Pyschopathy, even though my exact issues do not completely match up with the "definition" of said disorder. Looking back I'd have to say one of the biggest issues I ever encountered was my depression caused by my lack of emotions. I never actually felt sad, or felt depressed, but I experienced other signs of depression, leading me to believe that during this period I was, actually, very depressed. I have bounced back and forth on whether I am experiencing a lack of emotions, or the fact that the simply no longer exist, or a mental blocking of emotions, preventing them from expression. Both offer opportunities for real emotion to be expressed, but only in small tinges. I have noticed that when I meditate or focus on my emotions I get a better reaction than I normally would. This lack of emotion has lead to some problems in my general life, while I was still trying to get a handle on the whole thing I began to lose interest in my school work, my friends, and my family. I also became addict, which is incredibly easy when you have no emotions to guild your internal judgement. I am proud to admit that I have overcome my addiction, and, now that I completely understand my issue, I have returned to my normal academic actions. I still have not received any professional help with my problem, mainly because it would cost me money I do not have, and it would put a stain on my clean record. But that's enough about me, now about all of us. What we suffer from is a very complex mental situation, which has it's disadvantages as well as advantages. What we must learn to do is not sulk and lie around inactively because we lack that internal drive to keep us going, but to find something to devote to that will contribute to society. A lack of emotion can act in many positive ways. I personally plan on becoming a Navy SEAL, a career through which I can use my lack of emotion to its full potential, as well as serving my country. It is a hard life we have cut out for us, but we can rise to the challenge. We no longer suffer from the holds that prevent others from achieving greatness. But we must be weary, our issue is infamous for its more negative side, words like psycho relate to those members of our community who decided to use their lack of conscience to do terrible acts. We must use intelligence, because we lack emotion, to dictate our every move. I never asked for this, but it was granted to me, and I plan on using it to my full advantage.
-Anom O. nous
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