About tissuesforissues
I am not a shrink, a therapist or a social worker in any way shape or form. However, I have had a great deal of life experience that's given me the ability to listen well and give good, healthy advice, whether it be for relationships, career, family or just something you need to get off your chest.
As an added bonus, I have a good sense of humor. That doesn't mean I'll make light of your issues. It just means I might say something to lighten your perspective, or give you something to chuckle at. Laughter isn't the best medicine for everyone, but it does help a little to put things in perspective and cope.
And since I'm a native New Yorker, I've seen and heard almost everything. What sets me apart from most New Yorkers, is that I actually give a damn. But I tell it to you straight, cause my policy is advice without any bull.
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Website: Tissues For Issues
Gender: Female
Location: New York City
Occupation: Writer
Age: 29
Member Since: March 30, 2007
Answers: 12
Last Update: May 31, 2007
Visitors: 2247
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ya so basically im known around school for being a tomboy who is not interested in boys like crushes, and who just likes them has good friends. One of my friends thats a boy i kinda like him a little bit but i cant let anyone know that because i will feel embarrassed. It will also be mad awkward, i dont act different around him i act the same like i dont care ill spit if i have to and i just act like me. I have liked him since last year and up to this year. I dont want to tell him because that will ruin our friendship. My best bet will be just to stop liking him and just move on with doing whatever i do. I also dont want to change who i am, and the thing is that since im a tomboy some people think that im a lesbian because i never talk about boys in the way like omg he's soo cute...even some of my so called "friends" asked me if i was a lesbian... idk its a weird situation .. i just need advice
Hey Tangled,
It looks like its time for you to weight the pros and cons of telling your friend that you're interested in him romantically. One of the pluses - as you mentioned - was that you're his friend. At least with this crush, you know him, you talk to him, you hang out with him regularly, and he's not someone you've never had contact with and you're admiring from afar. So at least you've made it this far.
On the other side, you risk your pride (being embarrassed) and you're worried about risking your friendship with him - that it won't exist if you admit you have feelings.
Its a toughie, but you sound like a tough girl, who has a great head on her shoulders. The line in your question that sticks out the most to me is: "I also dont want to change who i am..." That is the MOST IMPORTANT thing in any issue you might be dealing with. Don't compromise yourself.
So with that said, you shouldn't change the way you act around him completely. You won't enjoy your time with him if you have to take on the difficult task of being someone else, and it'll just confuse him as to who you really are deep down.
Instead of flat out saying, "I really like you" or "I have a crush on you" Maybe a more subtle approach is your style. Try to spend some time just with him, maybe by simply asking him if he wants to see a certain movie with you, etc. What are some of the things you both like to do? Where do you both like to go? By asking him to do things with you and go places with you, its a sign that you're interested in him and spending time with him, without putting your heart out there and being completely vulnerable. And by doing things you both like to do, you're not doing anything that isn't in your personality.
listen, i was a tomboy too. i had two older brothers and no sisters, so i was trained to always fit in with the guys. it doesn't make you any less of a girl and it doesn't make you a lesbian. lesbians love women sexually. if you don't feel that way, then that just aint you, and whoever wants to jump to conclusions and assume that's who you are, isn't a real friend. people who care about you will get to know you. if your friends ask you to your face if that's who you are, they're not being untrue friends, they just don't know how to go about asking those types of questions, and are a little inexperienced. that might be them just trying to know who you are.
Being a tomboy just puts you in a little bit of a difficult position, because you fit in with guys but you're not a guy, and you're not a girly girl nor do you want to be one. Finding people who relate is hard and takes time but trust me - IT WORKS OUT. I'm speaking from experience.
So hang out with your crush whenever you can. Do fun things together. Maybe lighten up on the spitting A LITTLE. Be friendly, be open, be your fun self. When you two continue to get closer and you feel more comfortable around him and less concerned with being embarrassed, you'll know. Something inside of you will say, "I have to tell him." If he feels the same, great. If not, this experience will DEFINITELY help you when the next crush comes along.
Good Luck!
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