Q: I'm really troubled by the way a close friend of mine seems to be compromising her values for her boyfriend. She has always been really strongly against illegal drugs of any kind. And her boyfriend uses drugs. I think it's just pot, not anything harder (though I'm not sure), and he's not a serious addict or anything, but that's still enough to bother her a ton. Even worse is his attitude about it. She complained that him using drugs made her uncomfortable, and then the next time he was going to a party, he told her that he wanted her to come along only if she promised to "behave" (that's the exact word he used) and not complain at all. She's told him that this bothers her, but she also keeps making excuses for him, and won't stand up for herself.
I really want to discuss this with her, try to pump up her self-esteem and encourage her to stick up for herself and her values -- except for two problems. One is that she and I used to date, and she knows that I still like her, so I'm worried that she'll think I'm just trying to break up her relationship. The other is that I found out most of this stuff by snooping around. I only did that because I was worried about her, but it was still wrong, and I'm sure she'll still be mad if she finds out.
So even though she needs help, I don't think I can say anything -- I just have to let her figure it out herself, even if that means she'll get hurt. Am I right about that? Is there anything I could do (maybe something a lot more subtle than bringing up the topic directly)?
