I'll admit that I have plenty of problems myself. Too many if I may add, but I love the feeling of helping someone out with their problems. :) It helps me feel like I'm doing something to better the world instead of just sucking up a section of it's space when it could be using that space for something else.
I would never give advice about something I have absolutely no knowledge about so what I say comes from the heart and self-lived experience or experiences I've seen and had something to do with my friends or family.
The advice I give, good or not so to your liking, is still advice I thought would better your situation. If you do take any offense...sorry for that, but I've said what I said. You asked for the advice and I gave you my opinion. It's one out of many and it's your choice to listen or not. I hope at least some of it helps somebody somewhere though.
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Dear pishyposhy16 you answered my question about showering with my dad and i need to know more. I didnt think it was wrong and im still a little confused on why exactly it is because my dad loves me. Why is it so wrong, Ive done it since i was 5 and dad says its fine that we do. IM really confused! But i have apologized to my friends since reading your advice. But I dont want my dad to go to jail or anything. I live with my mom part time and she doesnt know. Should i tell her? Also I thought i would talk with my dad about it and ask him and he didnt like me bringing it up and we got into a huge fight! he slapped me and told me not to talk about it again! He came into the shower again and apologized later. It was the first time in ten years since i have showered without my dad. Im scared now and dont understand. What should I do?
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Don't be scared. Be open minded when you think deeply about your situation with your father. Especially after you read my explanations. Hopefully you more fully understand why showering with your father at the age you are is unacceptable.
First of all, showering with your father is wrong because you're his daughter and you are 15 years old! That's waaay past the stage of puberty for a young woman. When you're 3-5 years old it's not that big of a deal (if you have a reasonable minded father for a parent) if you shower with him once in a while if your mother can't, or if he's the only parent there then fine. Beyond that age your body begins to grow up and the childs mind begins to get smarter and learn and remember the things they see.
Secondly, showering with your father at your age is wrong because you're at a stage with your body and mind where you will have sexual urges and feelings. The entire point of puberty is to ready your body for sex and creating a child if you ever have one. Your father is a matured man. His sexually based mind has been in place for a long time and he showers with you? While you, a 15 year old girl,also shower with him? Your body is the only thing that's matured sexually. Your mind takes a bit longer to get there, and your father obviously knows this.
When you were five years old and you showered with him, you had the mind of a 5 year old. You didn't know what it was like to have sexual feelings or be in a fully grown body. As you grow older you grow more in tuned with your surroundings and learn what different things mean to you. You don't think it's wrong to shower with your father because HE NEVER SAID ANYTHING ABOUT IT. When you are a child, you learn right from wrong from the people you interact with, but most of all from YOUR PARENTS. Since he "never saw it as wrong," which he knew was wrong, but didn't tell you that it was, then you, even to this day, never saw it as wrong. You never thought about it in a perverted way, but you can't ever truely be 100 percent sure that he sees it the same exact way even though he may seem like he does on the outside. The very fact that your mother doesn't know about you two showering together sets off an alarm. What is he trying to hide? If it's really ok, why doesn't she know? Why doesn't any of your family know? And if any of them do, they are neglecting the fact that this is wrong and they could also get into trouble with the law concerning child abuse.
If you trust your mother and feel safe telling her about it, then yes, I definitly suggest that you tell her. If you don't trust her or don't feel safe then you really must tell someone that you do trust and feel safe with. DO NOT try bringing the showering subject up with your father anymore. He won't talk to you about it because he doesn't think he has a problem. Have you ever heard of the saying, "You can't convince a crazy person that their crazy?" The person with the problem won't see that they have a problem because in their mind it makes sense. Which will never make how their thinking right.
Be strong and stand firm to your ground. When I read what you said about how, "he came into the shower again and apologized later," this was very alarming to me. He has absolutely NO RIGHT what-so-ever to place himself into your space while you are undressed. Period. You are a full bodied girl. He has no right to see you while your naked.
I know that you love your father and don't want to see him put in jail, or prison. My advice to you about that would be to tell him that you no longer feel comfortable showering with him. If he asks why, tell him that you're a developed girl and it feels akward now. Don't ask him a question about it...just TELL him you don't want him to do it. After you do that he CAN'T shower with you anymore. It's against your will. If he were to force himself into the shower anyway after that then that's a whole other big serious problem and would actually prove his sick fetishes to be true. If you see it as wrong then that means he has to see it as wrong and if he still doesn't then you MUST seek help police or authorities. If you don't feel safe telling your father NO, then as I stated before, talk to someone you trust in.
You have to think about the bouderies that are there when it comes to men and women. Especially men and underaged girls that are those men's daughters. When you asked him about the shower and he slapped you, that's not love. That's him trying to be sneaky about something that is perverted. You must seek help from someone who will help you out with this; please do.
If you have any more questions feel free to ask.
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