I'm here for anyone! For any problem. Just go ahead and let me know if you wanna talk. :)
E-mail: mayj_143@yahoo.com.ph
Gender: Female
Location: Cebu City, Philippines
Member Since: November 14, 2010
Answers: 9
Last Update: May 6, 2011
Visitors: 1836
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16/f
Is it wrong to genuinely hate my mother?
I was adopted from birth and feel as if I've always felt neglected by my mother ever since I was little. From what I can remember, there's always been something kind of quarrel or discrepancy, and it's frustrating, because I used to try really hard to, as much as I hate her, acquire some approbative pride in me from her...
She's a bigot, self-righteous, narrow-minded, intensely judgmental, and has always more or less acted officiously toward everyone else besides my dad that yells at her, and once he yells at her, she'll start throwing things and slamming doors, cupboards, etc.
I know I'm not a five year old anymore, but it really bothers me, and whenever I visit home (I begged my parents to allow me to attend a boarding school), I just want to get away. She screams, and has fits. I go to therapy, and although I know I'd never act out so rashly, I find myself always at ends with this feeling of conflicting emotions. When she screams at me, I want to bash her face in, but act with a calm and understanding demeanor, which just makes her look like the child, and so, she just get's even more worked up...
I'm not sure what else I have to ask, but if anyone has any advice as to how I should deal with this, I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't want to grow up to become one of those resentful women who despise their mothers. My mother's an educated woman, but for some reason she just--she acts like a bitch.
Thanks
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Hi there. I'll try to do what I can to help you with this problem. First off, you are not alone. I feel like I genuinely hate my mother too. We never get along, and when we do, it doesn't last for a day.
Ever heard of the line, "Kill them with kindness" ?
That's what I do to my mother when I'm infront of her. Though there are times that I feel like killing her on the spot, I just ball all those emotions in and give a straight face. I just think that people like my mother(or your mother, if she fits the description of bitch) can't be changed anymore. You can't teach an old dog new tricks, and that's something I've definitely learned from this entire hell experience. I've accepted that she'll never be supportive, or as loving as I'd want her to be, and that I'll have to live that.
I don't know if you feel the same way, but do you always feel like you have to be the one who acts like the adult? Or be the person who has to understand her pessimistic ways? It can be tiring and really crappy, you know. I think it gets better though.
But we all grow up, you and me. And we'll leave them behind soon. So I think we should just bear with our mothers for now. When we become adults, we'll make our own choices & we can prove to them that we weren't as bad as they thought. In time, they'll realize that they hurt us and that they were wrong.
Hey, my mother gets violent sometimes too, and it gets scary. Sooo maybe when that happens, if you want(not forcing anything) you can email me and we can talk about it. :) I'll listen to anything, as in anything. Hahaha. Pointless rants, strings of cuss words, go ahead. And it doesn't have to be all about bad stuff, you know. I have some jokes up my sleeve to make you laugh when you're feeling down. :)
Hope I made some sense. Even a little.
My email is mayj_143@yahoo.com.ph
xx MayJ
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i am from philippines. i saw my mom with some other guys aside from dad... i did not tell to anyone yet. and this fact keep fucking my brains, mom left us to work somewhere far, left me, my brothers and dad in our hometown. As i am to study in college i am sent to the city where mom works. just so i know she bring home boys at home, chat with them online, meet them. there are three boys as far as i know. i just can't dealt with it. it hurts so much... (link)
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Don't jump to any conclusions just yet, okay? :)
The best thing you could probably do right now is to straighten out the facts. What you know that's real and what you assume is real. Could it be possible that she's chatting with them for reasons completely different from what you think?
This is obviously bothering you, so it would be good if you spoke to your mom directly before things get worse and your judgment gets clouded by the preconceived thoughts you have.
Talk things out first. :)
I hope that helped.
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