Gender: Male
Occupation: Homeland Security
Age: 38
Member Since: July 7, 2010
Answers: 16
Last Update: April 28, 2011
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16/f
Is it wrong to genuinely hate my mother?
I was adopted from birth and feel as if I've always felt neglected by my mother ever since I was little. From what I can remember, there's always been something kind of quarrel or discrepancy, and it's frustrating, because I used to try really hard to, as much as I hate her, acquire some approbative pride in me from her...
She's a bigot, self-righteous, narrow-minded, intensely judgmental, and has always more or less acted officiously toward everyone else besides my dad that yells at her, and once he yells at her, she'll start throwing things and slamming doors, cupboards, etc.
I know I'm not a five year old anymore, but it really bothers me, and whenever I visit home (I begged my parents to allow me to attend a boarding school), I just want to get away. She screams, and has fits. I go to therapy, and although I know I'd never act out so rashly, I find myself always at ends with this feeling of conflicting emotions. When she screams at me, I want to bash her face in, but act with a calm and understanding demeanor, which just makes her look like the child, and so, she just get's even more worked up...
I'm not sure what else I have to ask, but if anyone has any advice as to how I should deal with this, I'd greatly appreciate it. I don't want to grow up to become one of those resentful women who despise their mothers. My mother's an educated woman, but for some reason she just--she acts like a bitch.
Thanks
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First, I really and truly believe that you will not grow up to be a woman such as what you don't like about your mom. My father always held back on showing affection and was very intolerant of anything that wasn't his way and it was always extremely difficult to do anything right. Well I am a father of twin boys now, and I could not be more different than my father was as far as giving my boys all the love and validation that they can take. What I am saying is that we are not predestined to "become our parents ". Especially when the experiences of our childhood teach us what NOT to do. I have a strong feeling that you will grow into a wonderful woman and fantastic mom when the time comes. One last thought, from the very small snippet you gave, I would hazard to guess that your mother's problem is with your father and not so much you. It's not uncommon for a parent who can't resolve their anger with a spouse to take it out on others. It's not right, but it happens. Sometime, just sit down with her casually and ask her what's up (in general). Then just let her talk and ask questions that can be redirected to issues that you two are having. Don't press, just let it flow naturally. Most importantly, just listen. Most people just wanted to be heard and feel that their problems matter. Perhaps you can be that person for her. It may not work right away, but don't give up after just a few attempts. She may suprise you and open up. And by the way, when was the last time you gave her a hug and/or kiss on the cheek?
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