I'm not sure if you are serious or being somewhat 'tongue and cheek' but I am going to err on the side of caution and assume you are deadly serious. First off, as a medical student I can tell you there are no quick, easy and painless ways to kill yourself! You say you have fucked your life up 'at the moment' - do you really want to end your life and throw away all the things you have to come because life is bad right now? You are young and have your whole life ahead of you - the way things are / how you feel now will not last for ever. If you are having serious thoughts of harming yourself please get some help. Talk to your friends and family and let them know how you feel and seek some professional help too. Take care. Ashok (If you find yourself feeling you are about to hurt yourself imminently then pick up the phone and call the emergency services, tell them where you are, stay there, let them come and stop you!)

Hi,

You are not worthless. You are working hard to become a nurse. Throughout your career you are going to help thousands of people and make a difference in a way that most people never will. At the same time you are going to great lengths to help and support your boyfriend, who has had a hard time in life. You where also working a job and earning your own money and the fact you are not at the moment is only because of your other commitments. And despite your dads cruel and unreasonable behaviour and bullying (because that's what I would call it) - you still strive to make him happy and proud and be a good daughter. I think all this makes you a remarkable person and your parents should be very proud of you. I don't know why your dad is acting like this. What I do know is that it is disgusting and totally unfair and unjustifiable. Sometimes people who are disappointed with the way their own life turned out and what they have achieved and what they are capable of take this frustration out on those close to them, especially if those people are capable and successful people. It sounds to me as if he has personal problems of one sort or another and is deflecting feelings from deep within himself on to you. I think for your own sake you've got to stop thinking of everything in terms of impressing and pleasing him. I know its hard but you have to start and try. Do things because you want to do them for yourself, because they make you happy, because you know they are the right thing to do - don't do them for the approval of your farther. Don't bottle your feelings up, talk to your boyfriend and your friends, their support is important. Try talking to your mum (sorry I'm British we say mum - your mom as you would say) again. Do it when your dad is not home. Go through a list of examples of things he has said. Explain how you feel. Ask her why she thinks he dose this and don't be scared to ask why she isn't supporting you. I would guess she is horrified by it deep down but doesn't feel able to stand up to him. She hopes if she ignores this it will stop and go away and probably tries to play down the seriousness in her own mind. Don't let her play it down, make her take notice of this and do something about it - you deserve her help. I am going to suggest talking to your dad too. Try and distance yourself from him a bit for now while you get things together a bit - what I mean is give yourself a bit of space from the situation and stop desperately trying to please him. But after a little while, if you feel able - then talk to him. Be calm but assertive and explain that you don't know why he is the way he is and says the things he says but that you know those things are not true and you know most dads would never act like this to their children. Suggest he has a think about why he does it and what sort of person this makes him. I know it's hard. All the things I've said to you are easy for me to say - not easy for you to do. But do try. You are obviously a very strong person. Don't ever feel worthless - you are most definitely not! Take care. Ashok

Hi, As a teenager I was an avid Adviceators columnist! After years have passed and I'm a bit older and I hope a bit wiser I'm back! Honest no nonsense advice is what I'm all about!

I'm listening....
Ashok
London, UK

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