I'm 100% honest and have been through hell twice and back and fourth just like being passed between my parents. I'm married two dogs that are my kids. I'm open and don't care to tell my story and if it were into books it would be longer than the twilight saga. I'm bipolar, depressed, ADHD, suicidal but fighting it everyday, and I'm never happy. Honestly I'm a wreck but I love helping people. I have tons of cracks in my heart but I'm good at healing others. I talk a lot and I'm very open and have no shame in what I've been through. I've been raped, molested by three men, fighting one that's in prison for it, healing family relationships, and trying everyday every minute to not hurt myself. My husband and me got together on the night I tried to OD on sleep meds. He saved me from myself. I love him with everything in me but my depression and cravings to self harm never end. And lastly I was heavenly on marijuana which is addicting. I started at 12 to 21 I'm 22 now and proud of my changes. Sorry like I said I let everything in the open.
Gender: Female
Location: WV
Occupation: housewife
Age: 22
Member Since: September 22, 2014
Answers: 10
Last Update: September 25, 2014
Visitors: 2389
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My mother was diagnosed with depression,bipolar,diabetes,high blood pressure,anxiety,some memory loss,degenerating disc in her back and a whole lot more.
Theres only me and my 22 year old sister to take care of her (dad left when I was 18).But the problem is Mother is a very bad mental abuser and some what physical only to me.
My mother was one of those parents that hovered over their children during their whole life.I'm 20 now and I'm basically stuck with her.
I have a very bad case of social anxiety,because when I started school I was pulled out of normal classes and put in "special classes".which at the time the school never had any little kids with a reading/learning comprehension problem.They only had teens and I was at the time 4 years old.Then to add to the problem my mother was always there and,I was very very shy.So she'd be like the parent of the class and bring stuff and,kids only liked me because of my mom.
Now I never noticed this was wrong until I got older.I had finally convinced my mom to stop when I hit middle school,but then I just couldn't make friends.My mom scared the crap out of me to never do anything "bad" at school,so I avoided the problem kids.I tried to make friends but the awkwardness would always be there,because I didn't know how to act or what to say.
At home my mother and father fought a lot and,then in my teens mom started the mental abuse.She'd say stuff to get me down and self conscious about my self (I am fat).When I was 17 and I started yelling back at her,because I was tired of it she'd just start hitting me.But then the next day or so she'd say she was sorry and never meant it,but say it was kind of my fault for "butting heads" with her.
My sister is the "favorite" child,she can never do wrong.She gets anything she asks for,even when we can't afford it.She will stay out of fights,unless mom drags her in.Then she will only take moms side no matter what.My dad was overseas alot,but when home never paid any attention to us.
When our dad left he took everything of value and,then left us in a hotel.My mother has gotten worse with the mental abuse and,always blaming me for everything that goes wrong.
I'm kind of stuck you see,I have no friends to turn to or family.My mother never wanted me to have a job,because she didn't want us to end up like she did.She had to work 2 jobs while she had us and,dad was in the navy overseas.Her childhood she had to work early to support her family cause they were poor.
I do have a part time job as of age 19,because mom changed her mind and started screaming at me to get a job.But my job pays very little and,I work all day.Its hard to find a job in Florida without a college degree.I wanted a job when I was 16,but mom kept me from having one with threats of kicking me out.I was scared to be alone since I always had someone from the family with me.Mother would always follow through with her threats too.
Now where to the point where shes kicking me out as of August 1st.She plans to take my sister and her self to grandma's,she said i'm not allowed to come.I know she will lie to grandma and say its all my fault.
I'm scared of being alone with no where to go.I know I will lose everything I have once I'm out of the hotel.The only person I can think of turning to is my dad,but he remarried and has a child there.He never calls us or anything,so I don't know if I could go to him.
My social problem thing is big,I just have this fear of talk talking to strangers.Like I can't just go up to a Wendys register and order a hamburger,it takes me time to build up the courage to do it.I mean I want to but my mind starts racing and,I think like what if what I order too much.Then that person thinks badly of me.Like they may think "no wonder shes so fat".I can't even do that at walmart,you know just go buy something and pay for it.
It takes me time to get to that register and just buy it.I think my boss might of felt sorry for me,thats why I got the job.I can't keep eye contact with people very long,i have to like force myself to do it.
Any advice on how to handle my mother and get rid of this fear?Also where should I go?I barely make $150 a week at my job.
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You have my life for real everything is the same with my mother. My dad was in the air force. My mom has every single problem but add obesity. I know how it is how hard it is on you. I cut and wantef to die. and all her boyfriends/ husband. Except from my father raped and molested me. But I took it plus took care of her. And also got beat mentally and physically. I know how bad this is and you need to get out. As soon as you can. I left and moved in with who is my husband today. That was the best thing for me and her. Y'all need space or she'll kill your soul make anything your fault. And blame her problems on you. But when you get space and she realizes how much you take on, she will learn about herself and get better. If you are littarally doing everything for her, which I did even wiping and all then that's why she isn't getting better but the opposite. You can't spend your life like that. Because it will make you what I was a slave. I'm saying this to truly help you because I let it get me. I want to die every day for how her choices scared me. I didn't know any thing but trying to please her to save her and to take care of her. My mom lied and said I hit her and I swear I didn't. I curled up and would have panic attacks when she'd kick and beat me to the ground. It hurt me never made me angry at anybody but myself. And it gets that way you feel guilty for everything. I'm sorry this is so long but I've never been able to heal and never will. I want to save you before it gets your heart and mind. You have options like get her a care taker or if she's not got it yet get her on SSI and welfare. It takes care of anything and everything. Med card for SSI will pay for a caretaker. And if you have another family member or even a friend stay a week there. Time away changes it all I am so serious. I hope I helped and I hope you update me lol. Good luck PRAYERS 2 U!
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