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I am an 18 year old male and I have been a pretty emotionally dead person for...well since my early childhood. And when I say dead I don't mean depressed or really down or anything of that nature. It's nearly impossible for me to feel anything genuine and I can only put a mask of fakeness on so I don't seem so far out. When I was in a psychology class I read about something called anti-social personality disorder and it almost disturbed me how similar the symptoms were to my own character. I've done enough to put myself away for the better half of my life and I haven't felt a shred of remorse or conscience. Anyways, I'm wondering if my lack of emotion is a cause of concern. Nothing brings me joy, pain, or sorrow and I can't even feel love for my own family anymore. NOTHING will make me feel anything and it bothers me. All I feel like is a body and a brain without a soul. Something is wrong with me but I don't know what. I'm a very intelligent person and all it seems I can do is succeed with material things like work while my relationships are built on false pretenses and emotions I never even felt but acted like I did. My question is: If there is anybody somewhat educated about this...what could be wrong with me? Do I have anti-social personality disorder?...and am I stuck with this? (link)
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I think what Nick has said pretty much sums up what we're thinking. I suffer (well that's not the word, but you know) too. I just wanted to explain myself and then add a point, and hopefully get a response. Now from what I hear, my part hasn't gotten as bad as Nick yet, however I've gotten worse. It started when i was around 8. And it eventually got worse, but I realised that I had to conform to avoid being found out because i knew I was wrong in some way, so I sat back and learned a bit. Well I've come a way from going through the trying to feel phase, like Nick said, haha well I should have really understood not to do stuff in public as well, I cut my arm up with scissors in 6th grade, and tried to feel the emotional side of pain for a while. But there was nothing, all it was was a logical point that it's just nerve cells firing.
Has anyone else had violent thoughts of a morbid sort? I think I might be a lower functioning, as I still have a violent tendency, however I keep it under control. Also has anyone had episodes? I've felt emotions in little bits, but often when I get excited as I'm feeling an emotion, it goes away as soon as I realise pretty much. However contrary to Nick I get adrenaline rushes when.... those who are experienced adn accustomed to suprises I would say, got a rush.
However the main question I would like to ask anyone who looks and has AntiSocial Personality disorder, do you feel emotions rarely from music? I sometimes catch a song, and only a new song, after a few listens the vaguest hint of emotions goes away, but I still feel a little bit depending on the song. When my grandfather died when I was 10, but after that, It felt like I wore out my emotions, as in, my aunt died 6 weeks after and I wasnt sad or felt any grief. And just recently my other grandfather died, and tehre was nothing.
Anyway, that's me, signed up just for this discussion I found, but cheers :)
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