Gender: Male
Location: Currently in Sao Paulo, Brazil
Occupation: Graduate School/EFL Teacher
Age: 23
Member Since: May 20, 2012
Answers: 32
Last Update: July 5, 2013
Visitors: 4259
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I'm so confused. My husband is the most wonderful person in the world and would do anything for me when things in our relationship are good. But when he gets upset it's like he can't handle it. He completly looses his cool. He yells, and tells me the lost horrible things to get to me. But when we are not arguing he's a completly different person. He can go from being nice and happy to being angry. He acts violent to other people when he gets mad. He has gotten into a fight with his brother numerous time over stupid things. He gets angry over very stupid things. He'll throw a tantrum, scream, cuss, punch holes in the wall and knock things down. He goes from being the nicest person ever to very mean and angry. He tried to fight a security guard at a scool event (he's a teacher/coach) because he went through a metal detector and he forgot he had a knife in his back pocket and the security guard wouldn't let him into the track meet. He always has a pocket knife in his back pocket. He got suspended from his job because of it. When he gets angry he has this scary loosk in his eyes, it's like he loses control and becomes a different person, he just acts crazy, but only when he gets mad. Other people have called him crazy and bi-polar. One minute he's happy then he'll turn around and start shouting at whatever ot whoever he's mad at, screaming & cussing. Do you think he should see a Dr? Is there something wrong with him. Do you think he has a mental disorder or something else? (link)
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He definitely has some sort of anger disorder. Whether he is actually bipolar or not, I'm not qualified to say, nor do I have enough information.
People with severe anger issues can go into almost a trance when they get angry. It's not easy for them to calm down, and they do things they wouldn't normally do. Afterwards they may even feel embarrassed or depressed about the way they acted.
You should treat it like a medical condition and see a psychiatrist. Be a little cautious though and get multiple opinions. I find that many psychiatrists are quick to prescribe a drug regardless of whether it is really the best solution. This can leave him feeling dopy without really correcting his problem.
It may be caused by an earlier event or series of events that he isn't even aware of. A therapist may help him uncover why he has so much trouble with anger, and help him confront those issues. If it's not a medical condition like bipolar disorder, then I like the non drug approach better.
Regardless, you need to get help. What happens when he hurts someone and ends up in prison? or what if he gets in a fight with someone with a knife or gun and ends up handicapped or dead? This has the potential to get very bad for both of you, so I would highly recommend looking for some professional help.
Good luck and take care.
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And how I could have done things better, so I wouldn't be this stressed out and unhappy. I basically have ruined my life. I feel like my life only progressively gets worse, because I allow it. I was happiest in early childhood, things started progressively getting worse after elementary school, all because I allowed it. I allowed myself to procrastinate and not participate in enough school events and have enough hobbies and that's been my downfall. I'm 18 now and i'm just so mad and I have dreams but how can I just forget the past?? but I want to but it's just so painful looking back, because as a kid I thought I'd have the typical teen experience with friends and everything and yet I didn't do that. I know some things are out of my control but I feel like I mostly could have prevented it. I just don't know how to move on even though I want to, but its like I'm just having this stupid mental block. I think this is due a lot to me being a perfectionist, and my parents basically expecting perfection even though they deny it (love is only conditional. now that i'm failing one subject they don't like me as much) and it just makes me like.. shut down, basically. i don't even have good social skills cause i've spent so much of my childhood on the computer. cause nobody really invited me for stuff and etc. and now i procrastinated applying to colleges so i'm going to community college even though my grades could have gotten me somewhere good, so now i have to do really good in CC and transfer. but i just need to get rid of this self sabotaging mindset and it's really hard cause i can't go to anyone, i dont have any best friends or anything, or even good friends. i don't think i'm this crazy weird person, i just have bad intimacy issues. i greatly fear getting close to someone and then them leaving me because they don't want to hear my problems so i keep my problems to myself. i've started going to a therapist but i hate how it's only once a week. i really hate being a human, i wish i could be more in control of my actions and not be led by emotions like I allow myself to be
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It sounds to me like you allow other people's perceptions of you to define your self image. You make references to concerns about your social skills and your relationship with your parents. My recommendation is to try to break away from that. Try to be the person you want yourself to be, and forget what anyone else says (even if they are your parents). The moment you can really come to like yourself as a person, your relationships with other people will improve. Also, the term "social skills" is a little overused. There are billions of people on this planet with vastly different habits, customs, values, and sense of what's "normal". Focus less on figuring out what you need to do to make friends and more on finding the friends that are going to like you the way you are.
You seem to have depression, which can be tough to get over. I would recommend filling your life with commitments. Get a job, volunteer, go to school, join a club, and in general do as much as possible. While that probably sounds like the least appealing thing in the world it should help. I have had (and continue to have) some problems with depression, and I find they are worst when I am home alone browsing the internet alone with my thoughts. Keeping yourself busy means you really can only focus on the task at hand. It also has the added bonus of giving you more opportunities to meet people.
Things will get better. Keep your head up and try to push through it. Often the first steps are the hardest. Good luck and take care.
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