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Holler at your girl with your wack-ass problems and she'll get back at you with some stellar advice on how you should live your life and make decisions. She's that nice with advice.

Note: The identities of all those who email queries will remain anonymous.

Carollani is NOT a health professional or clinical psychologist; if you have serious medical, mental, or emotional problems then see a physician.

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advice

13/f

I hate myself. I look at myself in the mirror and just want to fricken cut myself, but I won't cut, thats just how I feel. I hate how I look. People are like your perfect weight, but I feel like I won't ever be pretty unless I have a completely flat stomach and muscular theighs. I just can't seam to accept myself. I've been told I'm pretty and stuff. It's just I see all these other girls with perfect hair and skin and I feel ugly! Then, I see these girls w/ all these hot guys, and it makes me feel like I'll never have that. I'm really sad. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it. I don't wanna talk to my parents. I only have one friend who I would talk to but he just tells me to go see a therapist or get antidepressants. I just can't seam to feel happy. So my question is, has any girls or guys gone through this and tell me tips on how to feel better. thanks..

I don't know if this will comfort you at all, but I used to feel exactly the same way... and now I'm a very confident and happy person. There's hope for you too!

First of all: you're depressed. It's empowering to name our enemies, because it gives us something to study. Depression is your enemy, start reading about it so that you can learn how to beat it.

Realize that everyone around you is just as self-conscious as you are. Even those people who are the "perfect weight". Every 13 year old wants to look like or be someone else, and that's just silly. You don't even know who you are yet, so give yourself a chance! I used to always be embarrassed and self-conscious in a swimsuit until I realized that no one around me was ever going to judge me as harshly as I judged myself. Confidence is the key to getting almost anything you want. People are attracted to confident people, because it's something we all admire.

Your friend was right; therapy and antidepressants can help a lot. You may not even need medication if you start seeing a therapist. Being in therapy isn't as scary as you might imagine it... all you do is think and talk and sometimes answer questions. The therapist can help you find the roots of your depression and teach you ways to weed it out of your head, because depression and those feelings of inadequacy are all a state of mind. Therapists are great because they're totally objective people you can unload all those crappy feelings you have on, and it's their JOB to listen! Haha, but seriously they have lots of experience in helping sad people learn how to be happy. They might suggest anti-depressants for a while, and medicine is a great tool sometimes.

Fake it 'til you make it! PRETEND you're happy and confident. Every morning stand in the mirror and give yourself five compliments. Every time you're feeling like cutting yourself say (out loud) "I am a beautiful and happy person." Smile at strangers and be a pleasant person to be around. Positivity is a very powerful force. If you fill yourself with positive thoughts they will cleanse the darkness and gloom right out of you.

Also, find a hobby or an artistic outlet. Being interested in something will give you less time to be hating yourself. Stay active! Exercising releases endorphins in your body that make you feel happy and euphoric, it will also help you feel like you're in control of something in your life. Have fun and learn about interesting things. DO STUFF!

There is no quick fix to depression, so plan on working hard to defeat it. You can do it! Carollani believes that you're a worthwhile person that will take the steps you need to be happy. And give yourself a break, you're only 13! You have so much time to get what you want. Your skin will clear up, your hormones will level out, you will learn how to be confident, and the boys will be knocking down your door.

Start today and repeat after me: "I am fabulous!"

Carollani

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Hi,

I have an issue with obsessive thoughts. Someone will tell me one small bad thing about their past, and I won't be able to get it out of my mind for weeks. I know this sounds really messed up, but it really affects me. For example, my friend told me he used to have a addiction with porn. I keep thinking about this, and it upsets me. Yet I don't know why, because it's NO big deal.
Someone suggested this may be a sign of Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. I don't do any actions over and over, it's only the thoughts that I have a problem with. Could this be a serious problem? Is there anything I can do to stop these thoughts? I don't really want to see a psychologist or whatnot if I can do something on my own to help myself. Just curious if there's anyone else out there that knows what I could do.

Thanks for your help.

Obsessing about disturbing thoughts is definitely a symptom of OCD, but it sounds like you might just have a mild case. However, your aversion to therapy suggests that maybe you fear something within yourself. This one little symptom may turn into more and more... mental disorders tend to snowball pretty quickly without intervention.

Honestly, therapy is really great. A psychologist will not only help you to work through the OCD and possibly squelch it altogether, but they will help you feel more comfortable with yourself. It's always scary to go open yourself up like that for a stranger, but sometimes a stranger is the only person who can be objective and honest with you.

You could read as much about OCD and other abnormal psychology as you can, but no one is going to have the practical applications and advice for helping you solve your problem like a therapist will.

You're going to be fine, okay? Good luck!

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