ok. this might be long and if it is im sorry. anyway. first of all, im 14/f. i said i would always be straight, but there is this one girl. shes 17/f. i dont no. just every time i no im goin to see her i get VERY happy. when i dont see her i kind of get depressed. we play softball together in the fall. she only talks to me then. whenever softball is over, we barely talk. when i see her and she doesnt say anything to me, it kills me. when she looks at me and smiles, i go crazy. i want to be like her and have everything she has. it kills me. she is also graduating next year and i will prolly rarely ever see her after that. and that thought CRUSHES me. sometimes i cry myself to sleep because i can barely talk to her. i want to get to no her and maybe (?) start a special bond with her. also, she is bi (i think, that is what everyone says). whatever she asks me to do for her, i will do it in a heartbeat. is this really a crush, love, or jealousy? im tellin you, i CANNOT live without this girl!
My best friend went through something similar, infact almost exact. That was about two years ago, and we talked about it often and we came to figure this: It wasn't exactly love. She just admired her so much to the point that she was obsessed and wanted to actually BE her. My friend just looked up to the girl so much, and there WAS a little bit of jealousy. For years she thought she had a crush on her, but she realized it was a little bit of jealousy and admiration. Maybe your just so fond of her and her company and love being around her. Although, their may be some chemistry between you and her. Maybe you do love her? It's not strange. I am 100% gay. You may want to look into that, and finding yourself. Do you have feelings for other girls have you noticed, or just her? Can you see yourself and a relationship with this girl, or do you think your just so obsessed with her company, and love being with her because you wish you could be just like her? I think it wouldnt hurt to sit down and just think one day about all this. I know that I don't have the answers, but hopefully you can look into and maybe you'll find the answer within your heart
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