A wise little owl here to answer all of your questions. Available to give quality insights, honest ideas and kind words.
Gender: Female
Location: Canada
Occupation: Artist
Age: 25
Member Since: July 29, 2020
Answers: 8
Last Update: July 29, 2020
Visitors: 1974
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Hello. My boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years. I caught him cheating on me several times before we reached our 3rd year together. And now we are in a long distance relationship, and I just found out now that he is being bullied as chickboy with his friends on their groupchat and i jumped into a conclusion that maybe he had a fling with his classmate (girl) 1 year ago? Should I still be with him? We are already planning for our future and both our families are in good terms already. He is responsible in many ways and I can feel that he loves and cares for me but I can also feel the fear inside me. (link)
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Dear Confused and Sacred,
I can see that you want to make this relationship work. It sounds like you have invested a lot of time and energy into this. However, this relationship seems to be causing you a lot of mental distress.
Long distance relationships are difficult. Most of them do not turn out. If your partner has issues with loyalty, that will make things even harder. Personally, I think that cheating can be worked through in most instances. I do not think it can be worked through long distance. I would break up.
Best of luck,
Little Owl
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This man i met from tinder is regularly video chatting with me to keep me company in the quarantine and we get along well. But he does this strange thing, he is always telling me how great he is... to the point where i get uncomfortable.
He says things like “Every girl that has ever left me always came back to see if we could try it again but i don’t see any point in taking someone back who took me for granted”
“My ex keeps video chatting me and showing me her breasts and her butt and her vagina and all i ask is ‘how is your mom doing?’ “
“I take care of my friends so well to the point where if one of my friends tells me he is going through a financial struggle, i would take a GROUP of my friends out and pay for ALL of them so that my one friend won’t feel like I’m giving him handouts”
I’m not sure if these are good examples, but he sounds like he’s trying to convince me to be with him because no one has seen the value in him but him. It’s become a red flag in my eyes. There’s something wrong here but I’d like to know what exactly. (link)
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Dear Selling Himself,
It sounds like you do not like this guy telling you how great he thinks he is. It sounds like you may have reason to be concerned. When people go on and on this way, it shows that they are very insecure. He sounds like he needs a lot of attention. It sounds like he is trying to tell you what a great guy he is, but you are correctly identifying that a man of value would not need to do this. This is a red flag. It doesn't mean he's necessarily a bad guy, but I would definitely keep an eye on this. As far as the additional information you gave about him not paying for his own food, I would avoid paying for him in the future. It sounds like he is so self absorbed he has decided you should pay for his stuff.
Best of luck,
Little Owl
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I have been talking to this guy for 4 months over quarantine and we met recently. I had a great time on our first date and we recently went on our second date, which was kayaking. I really like him and had a great time but something has been bothering me... He told me over text that he was the type of guy to always ask permission to kiss or touch a girl in anyway because of how respectful he is. He knows that I really liked that about him. When we went on our second date he had asked me how i felt about a guy slyly grabbing my hand. I said thats fine as long as you don't pull any sly moves with me...
The date goes on and we are waiting for our kayake. He knew I was scared because i've never been so he put his hand around my lower waistline. I was taken by surprise because he told me he was the type to ask... I wasn't uncomfortable with it, let it happen, and thought it was cute but just thrown off a bit. Then as he walked me to my door we both stood their and he went in to kiss me. I instantly stopped him and said "I thought you were going to ask me?" He said "I am sorry you're right and then asked me" I then let him kiss me 3 times (just pecks) and he touched my lower back as he kissed me. Again I thought it was cute but still a little thrown off... I was in an abusive relationship in the past and it has made me become very overly protective with my body. He knows I have been through a lot with guys but i haven't opened up to him about it yet. I explained to him how I felt about this and he was very understanding. He felt very bad and explained to me how it would never happen again if I gave him another chance. He also said how sorry he was and admitted it was a honest mistake and just loves to show affection. He explained how he forgot to ask to kiss me and swore he will prove to me that he is a true gentlemen. I really like him because he is very caring and hes fun to be with... Am i overreacting? should I give him another chance? Would this be considered assult? please help i can't stop thinking about it :/ (link)
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Dear Dating During Quarantine,
If you want this guy to ask before touching you in any way, shape or form, you are going to need to communicate that to him. If you are uncomfortable, you need to set a boundary. It can get confusing if only the man is communicating. He may be the type to ask 80% of the time, but you also need to be the type to speak up when he forgets to ask. Even a man who is very committed to consent may forget to verbalize. This is not assault. Communication is a two way street. Women need to communicate their needs as well.
Best,
Little Owl
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