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Gender: Male
Location: South Carolina
Occupation: Student
Age: 26
Member Since: September 27, 2009
Answers: 13
Last Update: October 10, 2009
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My boyfriend confessed to me today that he cheated on me last weekend when he went out with his buddies. He said that he had sex with a strange girl that he met at a club/bar and he regrets doing it now. I still think he's lying about a few of the details because one of his buddies told me that they didn't go to just any club or a bar--they went to a strip club.
I'm really upset about it but my boyfriend says he's truly sorry and that it won't happen again. My best friend reminded me of the saying, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," and I am wondering if it's true. I don't think my boyfriend fully understands what his mistake has done to our relationship, and I don't know if I will be able to get over this betrayal anyway.
In your own experience, is the, "Once a cheater, always a cheater," saying true? Does anyone have any cases in which the saying is NOT true? Please, share your experiences with me so I know if I need to just end this madness before it really gets started! (link)
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I'm really sorry that your boyfriend cheated on you. I think it's in your best interest to leave this guy and don't look back. I mean, put yourself in his position. Would you ever cheat on him? I'm willing to bet that your answer will be no. Don't you think you deserve the same love and loyalty in return? I do. I'm also willing to bet that you would have never gone to a strip club in the first place. This guy opened himself up to temptation and gave into it. He's a jerk and a loser because he traded in a life with you for a night with another girl. He's not worth your time. You'll find someone one day who'll remain faithful and not take your love for granted.
If I'm being completely honest, I don't think the saying "once a cheater, always a cheater" is true. People can change, BUT how many times have you witnessed a person make a serious and permanent change? I'm not sure I've ever seen it. Everyone I know, including myself, has the same struggles now that we did 5 or 10 years ago. You think this guy is capable of being that rare person who changes for good? I highly doubt he is, and I don't think the the risk of finding out is worth the heartache you'll feel if he does it again. I don't think this guy loves you. If he did, he wouldn't put his immediate wants before your overall needs. There's no excuse for this.
It's not like you guys are married with children and there's more riding on this than just your feelings. You have no reason to give this guy another chance. Your broken heart will mend, but the trust you guys shared is broken forever. What would you tell your best friend if a guy cheated on her? You'd encourage her to leave. Take your own advice and decide with your brain, not with your heart. Every time you feel yourself get weak and wanting to forgive him, remember that he gave to a stranger what he promised to give only to you - his kiss, his touch, his body, his eyes, his attention, etc. You weren't on his mind at all. On that night, you didn't even exist to him.
You should be furious, not forgiving.
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I broke up with my boyfriend last weekend. We decided that we don't want to hate each other and want to be friends and talk but when would be a good time to talk? I'm over him except that I miss talking to him but I'm 90% sure he still loves me. (link)
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If you think he still has any feelings left for you, you need end your "friendship" with him and be the bigger person. It might be a friendship to you, but to him it's just an opportunity to remain in your life in hopes that you'll change your mind and eventually get back together with him. It's not fair to hold on to the part of the relationship you liked (the communication) and discard the other parts. Don't forget to take his feelings into consideration.
Either you want to be with him or you don't. If you don't, you need to move on. It'll be tough at first, but it'll be much easier for both of you later on. And when enough time has passed and he no longer has feelings for you, then you two can consider being friends. As for right now, this is really mean. Every time you talk about another guy or get happy because of another guy, it's going to crush his heart all over again. He's stuck in the friend zone right now, and trust me, he's miserable about it.
If you feel that he's genuinely over you, which you've admitted to doubting, you guys can talk any time. If he's really over you, there shouldn't be a communication barrier. How will you feel, though, when he starts talking about other girls and asking you advice about how to make his new girl happy? I predict some awkward times up ahead for both of you. If you're smart and truly want things to be over with him, you'll get out now why you can. If you guys have a fight post break-up, it's unlikely that you'll ever be able to repair the damage.
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i'm a senior in high school this year. i've been dating an incredible guy for about nine months. he's been my best friend for almost four years, so we already knew each other really well. he is the most amazing guy i've ever met. we have a deep, deep connection. we're both strong christians and very spiritual and have built our relationship on that. we deeply love each other. i've never felt this serious or in love with anybody. i'd never loved until him. i'm the first girl he's dated, but i've dated a lot before him. i know he is the kind of guy i want to spend the rest of my life with. he knows all of this. we talk about our future together a lot. we hope we will get married someday. this kinda scares me though because we're young and serious. i'm afraid i'll get my heart broken or break his heart. honestly, i can't see myself ever loving anybody else like this. i want to marry him. we want to make it though college before we marry, but we're probably going to different colleges. we know we can stay together but it will be hard. i love, love, love him. and i think, if possible, he feels even stronger. ;) do i sound like another crazy high school girl in puppy love? or does this sound like we have a future together? if there is a possible future there, do you have any advice for our future? like tips to stay together over long distance? this is a while away, but we want to be prepared for the change. i don't want to lose him. i love him. sorry for the 'mushy' message, it's just been on my mind a lot. :) (link)
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You guys have a really beautiful love story, but I have good and bad news about your future. First, I'll start with the good news...
The good news is that not only are you devoted to each other, you're also devoted to Christ. As a fellow Christian, let me just say that I have seen the miracles and blessings God bestows upon those who unite their love with his. With Jesus, anything is possible, so I think you guys have a strong support foundation with God on your side.
Unfortunately, God gave us free will and therefore he is not responsible for the choices we make. This is where the bad news comes into play, so prepare yourself...
I've seen very few long distance relationships work out. I've seen even fewer relationships last where the young couple decide to go to different schools. You two are headed for disaster. I'm sure the two of you have opened up and shared your feelings, but its not enough. Sadly, you have no idea what you're in for until you're already in it. When he's missing you and several other girls throw themselves at him, you're gonna be miles and miles away oblivious. It might be easy for him to turn away a couple times, but the more time that passes it's going to get harder and harder especially when his friends start weighing in on his decisions and suddenly your boyfriend begins to resent you.
Also, while you're at one school turning down the advancements of other men, jealousy will soon begin to eat at you as you wonder what he's doing. Is he telling the truth or did Satan win that coin toss that night he went out with the boys? It's going to be a heartbreaking nightmare for you two, especially you. Think long and hard about this before you proceed and be logical about it, This is a huge choice you guys have to make on your own!
Good luck sweets! Just remember that Jesus is on your side.
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