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Gender: Female
Age: 38
Member Since: January 1, 2010
Answers: 4
Last Update: January 1, 2010
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Well, We have been together for 5 years and got married in November. He has been depressed since a week after the wedding.I think he is upset because I cant perform the sexual acts that he wants. He wants me to be with a girl so bad that if I dont "go out" with girls he will be silent for days.A week after the wedding it was all he talked about. I am quite a homebody. He is 45, I am 32. The fact is, I will never sleep with a girl. It was a thing of fantasy for us. He went as far as to text a girl from my phone for a coffee date yesterday behind my back and I cancelled, He is really dpressed now. And of course, everything is my fault. He downloads tons of porn,I have found 3 videocameras around my house, I know he is a sex addict,but he is in denial and wont get help. What do I do??Up until our wedding things were pretty great! He told me that he knows i am to "old" to be with a girl tonight and said young girls would do it. I think I am doomed. I am a very attractive woman I am not old, and very devoted to only him.He always makes comments that nobody wants him enough for him to cheat on me. I am so lost. HELP! (link)
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Help? You want Help? Here it is:
You're a good looking 32 year old woman who just married a 45 year old sex addict. He tries to manipulate you into a sex act that you are uncomfortable with by throwing your age in your face and then mopes around laying on a guilt trip about not being attractive enough to cheat on you, and you're saying that after 5 years together this behavior started a week after the wedding?
Look, truthfully it seems like there's piece missing here. You say that his 3-way fantasy was a thing of fantasy for both of you? Was it also a promise that you made in hopes of getting him to marry you? If not, then what led him to think that this was something that you would entertain? you state that you are 100% against ever having an experience with another woman, which you have every right to do, but I find it hard to believe that after 5 years, you only began to breach this topic a week after the wedding. So it boils down like this: either you misled him into thinking that your married life together would include (or regularly include)a 3-way with another woman
OR
your husband has some kind of personality disorder (look up BPD and NPD and see if they fit). Control and manipulation issues of this nature are a huge RED FLAG, and that means DANGER. I hate to tell you what you don't want to hear, but you should know this already and if you were sitting in front your daughter hearing the same story from her, you'd want to tell her what I'm telling you right now:
Give your husband an ultimatum, get help or get out. If you need to be the one to leave, then tell him you're leaving unless he gets it together. This behavior is indicative of huge psychological issues and its pretty suspect that it didn't surface until after you were officially and legally tied to the man. Call me a skeptic or what you will, 5 weeks is nothing compared to a lifetime with a manipulative, videotaping sex addict. There may already be videos of you performing intimate acts on the internet. You're looking at a lifetime of controlling and amoral behavior, my personal advice is simply GET OUT NOW. If you can't bring yourself to do so, examine why not and any self esteem issues that are keeping you from doing so, issue an ultimatum and stick to it. He'll probably offer to go along with the program and then start back up with the behavior after he's decided he's got you fooled again. Being honest. And then you'll either have to leave or you'll knowingly enter a life with the guy that will resemble a living hell.
Don't know if you have kids but this is a good way to measure the situation:
Would you want this guy hooked up to your daughter?
Think about it.
AA
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