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March 5, 2007Answers:
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January 1, 2018Visitors:
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Alli
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So I got invited to this girls dinner party, the problem is I I only know her and she invited over 30 people. I’m very introverted and I don’t do well in social situations especially something as intimate as a dinner party so I was wondering if you had any tips on how I can survive this. I don’t want to sit beside her cause I’m pretty sure she probably has an idea of the seating arrangements. She even told me I could bring a friend but none of my friends want to go. I’ve been in social situations where I didn’t know anybody like my university orientation week but it is different than this because everyone there didn’t know each other so it was easier to socialize but this dinner party majority of the people knew each other from high school. Please help I’m 18 btw
First, I would like to congratulate you for wanting to go. Taking the plunge and going when you already know that you will only know one person is a big step. I am very introverted and if I only knew one person at a gathering, I can honestly say that I'm not sure I would be so willing to go so that is so completely awesome to me that you still want to go and are anticipating it being a good time. I aspire to be more like that as I get older.
I too had gone through college orientation, which was even a sleep over in the dorms the night of the orientation so that was a huge thing for me to do but it was mandatory. Anyway, at my college orientation is where I found my college roommate, it's pretty funny how that works out and we have been best friends ever since and it all just started with one random conversation at orientation - my telling her that I liked the dress she was wearing and it turned into us talking for so long about what major we were going into and what classes we were excited to take and then about the party that the campus was throwing for everyone that night and how introverted we both were and how we didn't want to go to the party at all so we decided to ditch and go get some food from sheetz instead, which is when we conversed about not having room mates yet.
So, that whole story being that I, being as completely introverted as I am, met my best friend just by giving her one small compliment. I really like this tactic and have since used it where I continued making friends throughout college, doing exactly that. I'm not saying it would always work but you said you're pretty sure that there will be assigned seats and you will be by someone that you don't know unless the hostess made sure that you were at her table with her. Even if she did do that, I'm sure she will be up mingling and doing other things so try the compliment tactic out. "Hi, I just really wanted to tell you that I love your dress!" or "wow, your hair is so pretty, my name is ___." Sometimes it could be a short thanks and that's it but when seated with someone for a longer period of time, people will tend to want to make conversation so there could easily be a compliment thrown back at you, then you could just take the ball and run with it "thank you, I really love your shoes" "oh, thank you! I got them at _____! Have you ever been there?"
I know inserting yourself into a group of people that already know each other and are already talking, could seem daunting so you could try to catch another person that is alone. Maybe there will be a place that you need to get up to get a drink or somewhere that everyone will put their coat so you can catch someone doing something like that and just mingle a little - "it's so pretty in here, ___ did a really good job planning this!"
Or honestly, I like to ask people questions in social situations. I know it sounds kind of silly but a question is a sure fire way of ensuring at least a few minutes of conversation. "How do you know the hostess?" "We had a class together. How do you know her?" I just like to make sure that I leave what I am saying as kind of open ended or vague so it leaves room for the other person to want to know more. My brother's girlfriend and I became good friends because of this tactic. They were not dating at the time but she would ask me about him and I distinctly remember telling her "Yeah, I remember the one time he ate dog food." I left it at that and she started cracking up and asked me to tell more because she simply was so curious after that so I proceeded to tell her that it was a dare and he was really young when it happened and that he almost threw up after it. So, try to make sure that what you are saying is exciting or wanting the person you are speaking to wanting more!
And just remember, have fun. You said it was easier socializing at orientation for a reason, find a common reason to make socializing at this event seem easy for you. The more you think about it and stress over it, the less fun it will end up being.
(Rating: 5) Thank you for the advice! Turns out it was a success anyways I sat beside these two girls but I had terrible vibes about them (I was right they ended up starting a fight with the host) and thought it would be horrible. Lucky for me these two other girls came along and they didn’t know anyone else either except the host so that was our common reason and now we all have each other on social media lol