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21/f
I always feel like I don't have time for anything. Like the clock is just ticking life away and there is nothing I can do about it. To an observer,I would probably seem like I've got everything going for me. When in reality,I've never felt more miserable.
I'm always waiting for it to get better,but it never comes. I keep waiting for 3 years to pass my anatomy exam but it just isn't working out. I keep waiting to become more likeable but I only have one close friend who doesn't really understand when I get emotional. I have recently broken up with a guy I loved very much because he was homophobic. I keep waiting for an opportunity to meet someone right for me but it feels like it will never come. It feels like I will never reach all those great things in my life. My best friend said he thinks that I'm going into a black hole of negativity again and this has to stop. I would stop if I knew how. I won't go see a doctor because it is greatly stigmatized in my country. I don't even know why I feel this way. I was mentally abused in elementary school but I thought I was over that. Can someone help me overcome this? I feel apathetic and I'm losing my will to live.
You are not alone in feeling like this. I'd say its quite normal. I was notorious for being in that mental state. Waiting for things to get better so that I can be happy. For example, "Once I get a car, then I'll be happy." "Once I get an apartment, then I'll be happy." "Once I get a hot girlfriend, then I'll be happy." "Once I make more $, then I'll be happy." This went on for many years. I got those things that were supposed to make me happy, and I was for a bit, then I just went back to my "normal" level of happiness. (Which I wasn't really happy at all). I inevitably found something to be unhappy about, even if I had my place, $, car, girlfriend, etc.
We learn to focus on the bad and overlook the good. And that becomes a habit. Our thoughts, whether negative or positive, lead to feelings. If you keep thinking negative thoughts all day, finding faults in situations and people, you're probably not gonna be a happy person.
The "waiting" state of mind will perpetuate. Meaning you will always be waiting for something to "fill the void" so to speak. That puts your level of happiness in the hands of others or some outside circumstance. You have to learn to create your own happiness, then the outer circumstances will change to fit the new you. Our subconscious minds are always on the lookout for things that prove our beliefs. If you believe "Life sucks" Then the subconscious mind will look for reasons why your life sucks.
Like you said, to an observer, you may have your shit together and you have no reason to be unhappy. But your mind is too focused on the "I'm unhappy and waiting for this or that to happen so I can be happy." And since you don't have those things, your mind will whisper negative thoughts. Which lead to negative emotions, which leads to more negative thoughts, more negative emotions, etc.
It took me losing everything, job, girlfriend, apartment, pet. Everything but my computer and my car for me to realize that I had been wasting my life always waiting for things to get better so that I could be happy.
Like Abraham Lincoln said: Happiness is a choice. Now I'm in way worse conditions than I've ever been. A failure by society's standards. But I'm much more happy now than when I had my shit together. I was actually miserable and leading a life of quiet desperation.
So my advice to you is to find ways to feel gratitude. Wake up and list things that you are grateful for. That you have a place to live, you're not starving, you're healthy, You can see, walk, talk, hear. You can start with basic things if it'll make it easier. You'll be surprised how much we take for granted. Some people create a gratitude log where they write the things they are grateful for every day. Its important that you do this in the beginning of the day because it sets the course for your day. If you wake up pissed off, chances are your day is not gonna get a whole lot better.
Like Einstein said: Doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result is the definition of insanity. We do this by waiting and waiting. Doing nothing different, then getting bummed because things are the same. Constantly wanting things to be different causes stress and anxiety. So if you want those relationships or experiences to come to you, you have to take the first step. If you choose not to, then at least be at peace with "what is". Being at peace with what is and accepting "what is" is very liberating.
I think completely accepting what is and finding things to be grateful for instead of focusing on negative things will do wonders for you. Of course, it'll take practice, but the peace of mind you get in the end will be worth it.
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(Rating: 5)
It makes me very happy to read your advice. It really gives off a vibe of understanding. I think a gratitude log is a wonderful idea. Thank you for taking your time to answer this question. I feel much better now.
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