Member Since: January 22, 2013
Answers: 70
Last Update: May 19, 2016
Visitors: 3979
|
| |
I'll use fake names
(My friend)- Barbie
(Her crush)- Adam
Ok so my best friend "Barbie" has a crush and i fully support her having a crush on him. She likes this guy named "Adam" and i think he likes her too. Well the bad thing is that he lives on my street and her parents say she is not allowed to date yet. Barbie lives 15 minutes away by walking. The first time she went to his house was when she told her mom that she was going to my house to do a project. She actually just came to go to his house. I was little hurt that she used me. So she went and she had her first kiss yay for her. For a few weeks i would let her come over but she would always go to his house instead of spending time with me. BUT IM TIRED OF DOING IT, but im afraid im going to hurt her. her mom would pick her up in front of my house pretending that she just came out of my house and i had to make excuses to why she was at our house. My parents do not know she came over. they are becoming suspicous. today Adam texted her saying that he wanted her to come over and she was so excited. I told her that she couldnt because i was afraid of getting in trouble and that she could walk to his house. Then i told her if she wants things to work for them then they got to work something out instead of bringing me into it. Then she cried and got pissed at me. I felt horrible because she was upset.
WHAT DO I DO. I hope im not a bad friend... Sorry for being dramatic i just really need advice...
(link)
|
This is a pretty classic situation. I don't know how old you are, but I remember going through something like this with a friend of mine in high school. Your problem is not uncommon, and I don't think that you're a bad friend for looking out for yourself in all of this. You have to look out for yourself! Friends may come and go, but you will be with yourself forever.
It looks like there are two main problems here:
1. Barbie is coming to your house just to see Adam, and it hurts your feelings because you feel used, and
2. Your parents are becoming suspicious and you are worried about getting into trouble.
Firstly, you need to understand that when a girl has a crush for the first time, it can be very powerful. Your friend is feeling a lot of things right now, and is very attached to Adam. She is likely to overreact to any kind of threat to their relationship, even if you are being very reasonable (which you are!)
I think that it may be helpful to address your feelings, using "I" statements. An "I" statement talks about your feelings rather than about her actions, so it doesn't feel like an attack on her. An example of this would be, "I feel hurt when you come over just to go to Adam's house. It makes me feel used." She may not realize that she is making you feel this way; remember, she is very occupied with her feelings.
The next thing you should address is the fact that your parents are becoming suspicious. Explain that while you really want to help her and are supportive of her relationship, your parents are becoming suspicious and you're going to get caught if you keep this up. Tell her that you are worried about losing your parents' trust; add that if this happened, she wouldn't be able to use your house as an excuse anyways, so it's better to find a different way to visit Adam, such as walking to his house.
You sound like a very sweet friend, and I understand your frustrations. I hope that everything works out for the best!
|
|