Member Since: August 7, 2012
Answers: 1038
Last Update: August 2, 2021
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I'm a 23 year old f and I'm a complete sexual virgin. Never kissed or did anything sexual, ever. There are two main reasons. I grew up in a religious community with the belief that sex is for marriage, and I've accepted that until now. Also, during my late teens, I experienced a serious illness and didn't respond well. So I was distracted from most normal things dating and friendships for a few years. I'm better physically but since I've come to college, I haven't moved on with dating.
I still like the idea of saving sex for serious relationships, but I'm so sexually frustrated, it's ridiculous. When I see an attractive guy, I feel kind of crazy and like a pervert. When I see a hot scene in a movie, it really turns me on. I feel so weird because I never dated and all my friends (who are all girls) are into bar hopping, boyfriends or married. I kind of want to start dating but I have no experience. I went to a girls school so I started off being not used to talking normally with guys and I never picked it up in college. I wouldn't say I'm ugly or completely socially inept, but I do react oddly to some normal situations. I don't know how to start having normal guy friends. And the other week, my friend's friend took me to a bar and drunk guys started hitting on me, but it was seedy so I freaked out and left. She thought it was weird I didn't give my number because she has a boyfriend and 2 sex buddies.
Help, I don't know what to do. Any advice is appreciated (link)
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Hi there. You're definitely not a pervert/crazy etc for having these reactions to males right now. It's a case of repressing (squashing down or bottling-up) the urges for long periods. The repression was somewhat enforced (or 'wired' into your psyche if you like) due to the environment and conditions you were in, from what you write. Repressing any strong urges and emotions will ultimately have some backlash, and/or manifest itself in other ways. Rather like the way a child's 'Jack in the box' toy pops out when it's released. A lot of random energy spilling out, bit of a surprise...and so on. So, at 23 you've decided to make your own mind up about sexual relationships. Try not to think of dating as something you will have abstract 'experience' of, since every different guy is in many ways a unique and new experience. Think, would the fact that a guy had dated 'lots of girls' cut much ice with you one way or another. If you like him...so what if he has. If you just don't'click' then equally, so what if he has!! Finding a seedy, drunken guy hitting on you (in a bar/environment that you think is a bit sleazy as well) is unlikley to be a situation many women would really appreciate. Don't worry about that. Your friend finds it acceptable? That's her right and her choice. But she's not you. You did right to keep your phone number dark I reckon. He wasn't the one for you. Follow your instincts. If you find yourself drawn to a guy and connecting on a social level, it will look a totally different ballgame. You'll be fine. You've got a good self-image (when a woman comments that she's "not socially dysfunctional or ugly" I tend to find she's a WHOLE lot better in both respects than her modest description!).
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